The First Three Months

The first three months of our marriage were no different. With the “children” topic constantly looming in the back of my mind, I began talking about it with other people. I started with my all-knowing mother.

I figured if anyone could give me words of wisdom that would be the catalyst for my epiphany, she would be the one. But alas, it was not to be. She responded to my question “How will I know if I want to have children? I’m not sure I even like them” with a calm, “Don’t worry, you’ll just know.”

Hmm… Maybe she had forgotten that she was talking to someone who spent weeks worrying about whether joining the gym for a year (vs. month-to-month) was a good idea. Or perhaps I should remind her about the time when I made the jeweler completely remake our wedding rings just a few weeks before the wedding because I wanted a different style? Needless to say, being able to make up my mind is not one of my strong suits.

But, I figure my mom hasn’t steered me wrong yet, so I added her advice to my already over-cluttered mind and continued on my search. I spoke with my sister, my husband, an old college roommate, and even a co-worker, all in an attempt to gauge my interest. Was I merely feeling the need to follow in the footsteps of millions of women before me? Or was it simply a case of “Now I can, so I think I will?” Probably not the best motivation for having a child, wouldn’t you say?

It didn’t help that I soon began getting THE question. You know the one: “So when are you having kids?” I’ve never understood why this question seems to come from relative strangers. What was even funnier, was my response. Given my fragile state of mind over the issue, I found myself opening up to these people and confessing that, gasp, I didn’t know if I wanted kids!! To give them credit, they didn’t seem overly shocked or appalled, which made me feel a little better. Granted, they didn’t know all of the stuff going on in my head. If they had known, they may have labeled me as crazy or at the very least, spastic, what with all the worrying I’ve been doing.

What can I say, it’s been a busy first three months!