When the CPA and I got married last year, I came to the union with a lot of preconceived ideas.  These ideas were born from a combination of my experiences and my upbringing as well as a whole host of other factors.   Because of these preconceived ideas and beliefs, I found myself taking certain stances whenever issues arose.  For example, when we talked about whether parents should pay for a child’s college education, I presented my views based on my experiences and the CPA presented his.   When we discussed how our bills should be paid, the CPA made suggestions based on his years of accounting work and I gave my two cents (you know how I love the puns) based on my limited budgeting experience.   

There were and still are areas where we don’t agree or where one of us had more experience than the other, such as utilizing a budget.  I believe this is normal when two people with different backgrounds try to merge their lives, no matter how many similarities originally brought them together. 

What I didn’t realize before getting married, is how these beliefs that I have had for all these years could possiblity change.  Or that at least my view of them could. 

I realized this yesterday as the CPA and I were evaluating a conundrum in which we have recently found ourselves.  It is a difficult situation that will require a lot of thought and communication.  Had this happened a year ago, my reaction to this situation would have been entirely different.  In fact, we have talked about similar issues before and I was very decided on what action I would take.  Actually, “decided” is too nice of a word.  I was a bit harsh in my evaluation of the steps needed should such a difficulty arise.  It’s not because I am a mean or malicious person, rather it was based on my experiences and views.  But, after a year of watching and learning and becoming ingrained into the CPA’s life, I realize that it isn’t about just my experiences and perceptions anymore. 

This sounds like an obvious point to make, but don’t think I really understood it before.  As I said, this realization came suddenly, without me even noticing that a change in my perception had been taking place. It seems that overnight I have become more calm and rational with regards to this problem than I would have ever given myself credit for being.  In fact, as I thought of everything last night, I tried to make myself get angry.  I started thinking of how my husband and I are placed in a difficult situation where we have to make a choice and there are no good options.  Not only that, but our predicament is not of our doing but is a consequence of other people’s actions.  So yes, I feel I have a right to be angry. 

But oddly enough, I’m not.  Even when I tried to stir up that emotion, even when I thought of all of the reasons that I should be offended and get up on my moral high-horse, I just couldn’t do it.  I feel upset, don’t get me wrong, and worried, definitely worried.  But I’m not angry.  And with the anger gone, so is the judgment and accusation that probably would have been there had this happened at the beginning of our marriage. 

I’m not saying I’m handling things perfectly, I most certainly am not.  But I am surprised at how much my view has changed.  How I am able to see things from the CPA’s eyes more than ever before.  A year ago this same situation would have left me resentful.  But now, feelings of sympathy and concern have replaced the anger and indignation. 

Perhaps it’s maturity or our new experiences together or even my willingess to really evaluate the issue.  Maybe it’s a combination of all the above.  I’d like to think that it’s a result of being married to a good man who helps make me a better person.   One who respects my preconceived ideas and encourages me to construct new ones.

Whatever the reason is, I like who I am becoming because of it.

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