Monday Musings: Sexting Teens

I think you teach your children about consequences. And you do it early enough that the consequences are small.

“That’s too bad you didn’t want to wear your coat today so you got cold on the walk home. What do you think you could do next time to make sure that doesn’t happen?”

“I’m sorry you forgot your lunch/lunch money. I know you’ll be really hungry when you get home. You can tell me about your ideas to be sure you remember your lunch from now on.”

“What a bummer that you forgot your permission slip and can’t go on the field trip, sweetie. No, I can’t come bring it to you at school because I have a full day today. Maybe when you get home we can work out a plan to help you keep up with your responsibilities.”

I’m not looking forward to being on the “Mom” end of those phone calls. And the temptation will be very strong to go for the short-term relief. And sometimes I probably will. But overall, I would rather have my children suffer briefly and learn to think things through rather than fix every single problem for them so that when it comes to the big things with lasting consequences they are unprepared to make well-informed decisions. And putting naked pictures of yourself out there is definitely something with lasting consequences and something you can’t fix.

Kids are going to do stupid things. You just have to hope that you can help prepare them to not do majorly stupid things

Joanna´s last blog post..Fun Stuff

We have always taught our kids (ages 20, 16, & 11) that anything they do online–email, Facebook, Internet–is not private, so never to write or do anything they wouldn’t want us to see. We don’t spy on them, but occasionally we do check up on them and we have our own Facebook page, so we generally know who they are communicating with.

With the sexting, we talked to our 16 year old specifically and made sure he was aware of what was going on and that it was a serious business. I don’t think he would ever have even dreamed of sending a picture of himself, but he might be on the receiving end of a message and we wanted him to know how to handle it–namely, delete it and definitely not pass it on!

That is so wrong. I think it starts with teaching children when they are young to respect their bodies as to see them as temples. If you have that core knowledge of how sacred your body is, you won’t go about flaunting it to others.

The Wife of Odie´s last blog post..weekly recap

Wow…I don’t even know what to say about that! Except that it makes me glad I don’t have children and don’t have to deal with it (for now at least) *whew*

Jill´s last blog post..FF…to be continued…

Wow, it really is frightening to think of all the things you have to cover as a parent! Although I don’t have any wee ones (yet!), I think the key is communication. My mother was not always my best friend, but I trusted her and talked to her when important things happened.

Technology like the internet and cell phones are important, as they define the generation and make an amazing amount of learning possible. However, it’s clear that they come with an immeasurable amount of danger as well!

Kate´s last blog post..She Says… Belly Envy

I think parents just need to step up! They are so afraid of their kids hating them that they let them get away with too much. But in the end, after the kids are suffering from the consequences of stupid actions, parents will find that their kids will only resent them later.
If its too short or too tight? You don’t leave the house.
Computers are left in a public place in the house.
And I’m 25 years old and got my very first cell phone almost a year ago!
TEACHING children from the time they are little will only make teaching them as teenagers that much easier. Because every knows teenagers aren’t easy. =)

Serene´s last blog post..Monday Morning News

We were with extended family last night and the conversation came around to cell phones. Everyone criticized us for not having one! My 13 year old thinks we are so lame! Frankly, I’ve never been so happy to be so lame. We do allow the boys to be on facebook, but I get into their accounts and check up on them ALL the time. I agree with comments about teaching children to respect themselves and their bodies. We also teach them (even though they don’t like this part) that we go by our own family rules and that is NOT dictated by others (friends, media, etc).

Nicole´s last blog post..WHERE HAVE I BEEN?

This is crazy and so scary. As a parent I think the best thing to do is just be super aware of your children’s activities and have a discussion of what is and isn’t appropriate behavior.

My neice is 11 and just got a cell phone, but she told me that all her and her friends do is text each other and rarely talk on the phone. I think another way to eliminate that is having a cell phone that only allows TEXT messages, and now pictures.

Jenna @ Newlyweds´s last blog post..Menu Plan Monday

Makes me wonder what kind of family dynamics there are in these kids lives… Are mom and/or dad absent? Are siblngs running amuck? Do they eat dinner as a family? You know…? I think a lot of the family structure determines how children behave later in life (or in their teens).

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Oh and Jenna – my boss just eliminated the texting and pictures on his daughter’s cell phone. Her problem was that she ran up a huge bill texting, but still – at least those things can be blocked, which could help as well!

erin´s last blog post..one is silver and the other gold

I only had one computer when the kids were younger and I kept it in the kitchen which was connected to the living room. Never let them have one in their room. Only give them a cell phone when they are working and can afford to pay for it themselves. I realize there are some exceptions for the cell phone. You set the the computer for sites they can and cannot visit. I restricted computer and tv time. You can always look at the History each day to see where they’ve been. You can also look on the cell phone site as it shows whom they’ve called, etc. Teach them correct principles. Give them all types of scenerios. Don’t be afraid to talk about drugs, alcohol and sex with your children in an appropriate manner. You can do so much when they are young and living at home. But in the end it is still their choice, we can only teach correct principles, enforce them where we can, set an example and then let them govern themselves as they get older. Also, spend time with children, go on vacations, eat dinner together, pray together. Do all you can to strengthen the family.

Oh lord, I am only 10 days into my parenthood. This is way too early to try to think about stuff like this!

Stephanie´s last blog post..soooooooo…

Wow, this is pretty shocking. The scariest thing might be the idea that the kids (who should know better) could get into a lot of legal trouble. But this brings up the whole issue of watching out for the dangers of the Internet to the kids. The comments I have read have been very good, so I’m grateful to your other readers who offered their ideas.

Obviously I’m still running hopelessly behind on my e-mail, otherwise I would have responded to what you said yesterday, but here’s the thing. I tell everyone I can about my experience using the Internet to send nude pictures because I want people to realize that it can be a nightmare. And if it can be a nightmare for an adult, I can only imagine how devastating that sort of thing is for an adolescent.

I disagree wholeheartedly with alot of peoples’ opinions on this. Teenagers are going to act out, rebel, and make stupid choices no matter what. It’s the nature of the beast. If you take away the cell phone, maybe the problem won’t be “sexting,” but they’ll find something else. And if my situation taught me anything, it’s that making the choice to send nude pictures using technology has nothing to do with any of that anyway. I was old enough to know better. I used a friend’s computer because I was too broke to afford my own. I have always had a very close-knit, strong family support system. I didn’t do it to act out, but because this was my body and my relationship and I thought it would be a romantic, sexy gift. Seriously, the one thing that I did not take into consideration was WHAT IF THINGS CHANGE? WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES THEN? If the man saw me naked anyway, what was the difference if he saw naked or mostly-naked picture?

So I really think it comes down to educating people about the consequences. At the time, I didn’t know how permanent technology made those images, and I didn’t know that someone could submit nude pictures of me to porn websites without my consent. So sit the kids down at the dinner table and say “you know, I was reading an article the other day that said kids do this. Do you know anyone who does this? I know that you’re old enough to make your own choices, but I think you should know what the repercussions can be. Your body is an intimate object, and I strongly urge you to maintain your privacy about your body to the greatest extent that you can because of these consequences.” Yadda yadda yadda.

It’s like if a kid knows that stealing is wrong, they might still do it, whereas knowing they might go to jail for it is a slightly stronger deterrent. Some kids will do it anyway, regardless of how awesome their family is and how many discussions there are about it, but most won’t if they see both sides of the coin.

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com´s last blog post..26 weeks: Growing a baby.  Please do not disturb.

I’m thankful that, as of right now, I don’t have to deal with this yet. My daughter is too young, but I know it time will pass so quickly that I have to start thinking about it. The things I hear have been surprising me. It’s amazing. I think the root of it goes to the heart though, deal with or work on that first, as well as self-confidence and self-respect, and you’ve got part of the battle won. Then on to the more practical applications like limiting time, having electronics in a central location in the house, etc. We’ll see what happens when I get there!!

~Tabitha~

freshmommyblog.com

Tabitha Blue´s last blog post..Mind over matter

LOL, hey this article is on CNN today:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/04/07/sexting.busts/index.html

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com´s last blog post..Donald calls it THE MOST IRRATIONAL MELTDOWN EVER.

I think we’ve tried to teach our girls how to make good decisions, but I’ve always had a bit of an extra measure… I spy. I confess. If they leave their email up (accidentally!) on the family computer (no, they do NOT get their own computer in their room), I take a quick glance through it. If they leave their cell phone lying around, I take a quick glance through their text messages. I “innocently” ask them to take pics of us out with their phone, then ask to see the pics. I befriend their friends – at home, on facebook – you name it. Nothing like a secondary source of info.

Don’t get me wrong – my girls are fantastic kids, despite everything they’ve been through in their little lives. But I must confess that although it has never been big, I do always learn something new about them through “their stuff”. I rarely say anything about it – just pocket it away until we happen to be talking one day, then casually ask “what about this…?”.

I’m a sneak, I know. And I do completely trust them, but I find the more information I have, the better parent I can be.

Ali @ Kent Chronicles´s last blog post..Easter Weekend

I have five children ranging in age from nine to twenty one. When my oldest daughter was in high school, she of course wanted a cellphone, a MySpace and a FaceBook account. My husband and I were not comfortable with the online networking, so we did not allow it until she was almost seventeen, and then we allowed it with the stipulation that she give us her passwords so that we could occaisionally check for dangerous or innapropriate content. She was allowed to get a cellphone (that she purchased herself) at seventeen, but only a pre-paid minutes type phone, and she could not afford many minutes. We also insisted that she maintain enough minutes to make an emergency phone call if necessary. When she turned eighteen, we got her a cellphone for her birthday and paid for three months of basic service with limits. After that she took over financial responsibility for her phone and it worked just fine.