Married Life: How Do You Decide When to Get Married?

I’ve never really thought of that question before. I guess I’m part of the “I just knew” group. We had dated so long with a couple break-ups in the middle. During the break-ups we both dated other people and when I found myself comparing all my dates to my now husband, I guess I knew then that he was the one I wanted to spend my life with. Two and a half years later, we were married.

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Haha… I have been asked this question so many times, and I think I’m with you. But I definitely think that every couple is different and deals with it in different ways. Kate and I were high school sweethearts, that had a rough couple of first years (my fault) . And we chose to go to separate schools for college because we didn’t want to hold each other back from anything. I think that this long distance did it for us. We learned how to communicate 1000 times better because we did most of it over the phone. It taught us so much and one day I knew that it couldn’t be any other way. I knew that it would be a long hard road, but I knew that there was no one else I wanted to be with on that road. We have been together 10 years last week, married for 4, baby on the way, and I am happier than ever. Great Post, Thanks for sharing.

http://www.marriageconfessions.com

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We decided within a few weeks of dating that we would get married. We were married just over a year later and will be celebrating our tenth anniversary this summer. We were young–I was 20 when we married and he was 22. But we both knew in our heads and hearts, God meant us to be together.

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When you get knocked up.

BAHA. Just kidding. Well, kinda.

For me, I knew Chris was it when my thought process went from “I want to marry this boy so bad” (with exes) to “I could marry this boy and be utterly happy” (with Chris). It was such an epiphany to me.

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Hmmm … I never really thought about it before. I’m really lucky in that I didn’t date a string of jerks before finding My Dave. All of the guys I dated were so kind and caring. Breakups came mainly due to my having to relocate (my dad’s job, going to college) and then us growing apart and the relationship just fading away.

With Dave, that could have happened, too. But neither of us was willing to let it. When he had to move and I couldn’t go with him, we both worked so hard to make sure we stayed together. Good times and bad, I didn’t want to let him go.

Still don’t

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We had only had a couple of dates, but I knew he was the one. He was 5 years my senior, had been to war and returned in one piece (emotionally & physically). He was so much more mature than the other guys I had dated. I was only 19 – he was 24. Looking back, I’m sure that God was watching over us. It was totally my heart that said “he’s the one.” We had our first date in March and were married 6 months later. We’ll celebrate our 37th wedding anniversary in September. We’ve shared a wonderful life.

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For me it was a complete lack of anxiety, confusion, or doubt. It just all felt so natural and right, pure and simple. He was the first guy I felt I could just be myself with and he made me feel safe.
And of course, I fell in love with him. =)

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I knew Adam was going to be my husband, before I actually knew I was in love with him. It was this knowing that I had when I met him.

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I realized that my boyfriend made me a better, happier person and I did the same for him. We worked so well together, even through hard times. There was just never a moment I wished I could date anyone else because I felt so complete with him! We’ve been married for almost a year now

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I think a “quiet realization” is a perfect way to describe when I knew I’d marry my husband. We had been together since we were 16 years old and it took me about five years to quietly realize that we were in it for the long haul. What a nice memory to have on a rainy Tuesday! Thanks!

~ Katie
http://www.marriageconfessions.com

I was kind of all three.

About two months into dating he told me he loved me. I remember I was sitting on my kitchen counter eating ice cream and trying to be cute, and when he said that it felt like the whole world had just stopped spinning. It was the strangest feeling and I said to myself, This is the man I am going to marry.

It was another almost two years before he proposed, and I had lots of doubts in that time too. I’m a doubter like you. I just kept hanging on to that strange world-stopped-spinning feeling and finally just took that leap of faith. We do have the same goals, dreams, values, everything. He was the best man I could have ever found, so I just had to go with it that it was the right time.

I did not have cold feet on our wedding day (I was too excited) but I did have some doubts throughout the first two years of our marriage, until I really settled in to being married. It was a long adjustment period for me and it was kind of rough for us while I was figuring out my new role as a wife and getting used to this new chapter of my life.

Now, I cannot imagine my life without him and I don’t want to. I am so glad I chose this man. He still is the best man I could have ever found, and I think the best thing that has ever happened to me.

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How did I know I was ready to get married to my husbad? Oh, wow. I don’t know….actually.

We did some couples things with the minister before we got married, and for the life of me, I can’t remember what I said then. Wow. Thats kind of bad, isn’t it?

I’m sure I had a reason back then. Marriage is not something I ever would have walked into with a blind eye. Maybe it was because my husband was my partner on the ambulance, and for over a year I had literally had to trust him with my life on every single call. You never know what is going to happen out there on the road, and you need to have a crew member you can depend on. We had been through some scary things together, and I knew that he was someone I could lean on.

But the ups and downs that we have been through, there have been times that I thought it was the wrong choice. And yet every time we manage to break out of the bad times, and get to those good times, I see the reason for the bad times, and I find it makes us stronger, and the space between bad and good times gets longer and longer and longer.

Does it make sense to say that I discover a new reason WHY getting married was the right choice every time I have a doubt?

I knew that I could spend the rest of my life with my husband only a couple weeks into our dating relationship. I had never been in a serious relationship, just dipping my toe in and every guy I had met (and 90% of my friends) I felt like I had to ‘act’, like I had to prove myself and be a certain person all the time. He was the first person that I could just be ME, whatever that was at the time (anyone know the John Mayer song “Not Myself”?). He never pressured me or did anything other than accept me. I had never felt so safe with someone. I was scared to death to get into a relationship but once I decided that I had to give it a shot it just clicked. We were talking marriage and a home together within a month (with the caveat “God willing”). The only reason we waited longer than a year to get married was because we wanted to both be finished with college first. I bloomed into myself when I started dating him, I felt safe to just be me and be proud of who I am. It’s only better with time. He’s a happier person with me there too, he stresses less. I feel so blessed. Our one-year wedding anniversary will be in a month and I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

I got married a few months ago at age 34. He was definitely not my first boyfriend, but the first one I ever said “I love you” to and that was after he said it about 4 months earlier. I made him wait a long time to hear it and he didn’t care or pressure or make ultimatums. He knew I’d get there in my own time. We also really, really reality tested the heck out of our relationship early on – it was not love at first sight by any means. We doubted and questioned and fought our way through the first several months, and finally got to a place where it was time to stop questioning – stop trying to find ways around it and just admit that we’re actually really good together. We’re a bit yin and yang – differences of opinion abound – but the core is strong and good. That and he makes me laugh, and I make HIM laugh (alot – which surprises me how much I love making him laugh). So I realized that questions and doubt are good, but faith and respect and love have to be stronger than the doubt and questions – and for pete’s sake – just jump! And there ya go. He’s the only man in the world patient enough to deal with my crazy ways and I love it.

Hearing these stories is great. I have my own story of how I fell in love with my fiance. I honestly can say that I have a bond unlike any other with her. I can’t on the other hand say that I am willing to take a leap of faith with her. She is the most beautiful, smart, and understanding woman I have ever met. I am just scared that I might not be “wired” to stay married to the same woman forever. I come from a family where divorce is very previlent, and I don’t want to put such a great woman through that. What should I do? We are scheduled to get married in 80 days.

My husband and I have been married only a month and a half, but already I feel it was the best (and easiest) decision I’ve ever made. We married on our five year wedding anniversary. We decided to be engaged the October before, so you know… just under a year of being engaged. It wasn’t a dramatic, “Will you marry me?” proposal AT ALL.
When we were younger he would propose sometimes, and at the time I would say yes, and then we would grow more and he would ask me again, and I would say yes. Looking back I realize I was the only one who didn’t know what I meant by saying yes! We were too young to really be engaged or get married, but we felt strongly committed to each other and to growing into a smart, capable, sexy, and romantic couple.
We became engaged because, at the time, we were talking about it. “Hey, I think we should probably get married sometime soon. It’s about the right time.”
“Okay.” So we started looking for rings. Then we found his ring and it was official – later we found mine.
What really sealed the deal, I suppose, was that we had been through so much together and living apart as boyfriend and girlfriend wasn’t suiting how we really felt about each other. We had both seen the separations and divorces of our parents (his parents separated while we were dating, mine way before) and we had even seen his parents REMARRY in that span of time. IIIIII KNOW! We had both gone to college (me a year ahead of him) and dealt with meeting new people and becoming independent from our parents. We ALMOST broke up (my decision, because I felt unsure if we were going to get married and last for a little while, there) but we figured it out. We even went through the death of my father together – a tough time when I doubted everything, I changed radically, I went through a year of grief and depression and the most important person in my world that shaped everything about who I was at the time and most of who I am today was suddenly gone and I didn’t know how to feel about my identity or about my own mortality. He stuck by me for every possible second of everything.
Really it was kind of decided from the first “I love you” because neither of us are a “Let’s try this thing out and see how it works.” We are both like, “Look, if you join me in this we’re sticking to this and we’re going to make it work together.” Hehe, we’re silly like that.
Every day I love this man more and more, and deciding to get married was seriously the easiest decision I ever made. Going to a specific university was a tough decision, choosing my area of interest was tough (like I said, I’m an all or nothing type…) but saying I wanted to marry Dan and meaning it was so easy. Absolutely no doubt in my mind.
So I guess it was a mix of just knowing, stubborn tenacity, thinking it out rationally, getting my doubt under control with what I knew to be true (this man will stay with me, he will love me and I know this without a doubt) and finally choosing the time was all about what felt right. Definitely no rushing or waiting too long.

HEY EVEERYBODY!
My name is Katelyn and I am a junior at the University of North Carolina at Wilmington. I am doing a paper for an English class that is supposed analyze the reasoning for a certain new trend. I decided to write my paper on the apparent “trend” of couples getting married later in life. My hypothesis is that couples are waiting later in life so that they are more mature and fully self-competent before joining in such a huge bond with someone for forever. I think that when people get married later on in life, they tend to be happier and have more healthy, long-lasting relationships.
I am looking for someone who is very knowledgeable about this field to give me an opinion on the matter. I would love to interview someone who has gotten married later in life. I want to know why and how it’s working out for ya! Please let me know if you would be available for a short interview– via email or on the phone, whatever is most convenient for you!

I’m laughing, reading all these comments… I’m way too young to be getting married but there’s a certain guy… And what everyone is saying about how they “knew” I’m thinking “hmmm, check, check, check, wow, sounds like us!”… LOL!

I can’t seem to locate your syndication feed, I’d love to follow your posts.

Hey everyone,

It’s great to read all about your experiences. My BF of 3 years admitted he was going to propose to me 4 months ago. Ever since, things seem to have gone downhill. I don’t know if these issues were there anyway and that we’re now facing up to them before committing any further to each other or if it a sign that we shouldn’t be together.

I feel dizzy from thinking about it. I look back on us now and can see that we were always solid and there was a lot of love and affection, but we seemed to misunderstand each other a lot.

We’re both now having a break which I’m finding painful because I really don’t know what the outcome is going to be. I’m about to turn 30 soon. I’m not sure I want to start all over again (apart from knowing whether we are right or wrong for each other).

I hope it’s ok to post this here
Sweet