There are some things that we just don’t say around children. Words of anger or disagreement or worry. Curse words, of course, and sometimes words of sadness or gossip. I think it’s safe to say that most of us would classify such discussions as “adult talk only.” The reason is obvious, we don’t want our children to grow up learning certain words or worrying about things before they have to.
But how many times have we said things that sound innocent enough but that may be causing long term harm to our children’s psyche? Things such as, “these jeans make me look fat” or “I can’t have any dessert tonight because I’m gaining weight.” We say things like this because we’re human and because we, like most women, have insecurities. We are trying to protect our children from growing up with those same insecurities and we want them to go through life without weight insecurities or other issues.
The problem is, comments like these may be causing more harm than good. In a recent Washington Post article titled, Watch What You Eat, Yes. But Also Watch What You Say and Do Around Your Daughter, author Dara Chadwick was quoted as saying, “even as we must watch what we say to our daughters about their bodies, we should be mindful of the signals we send them about our regard for our own.” The article goes on to talk about how our children pick up on the things that we say (or do) and use them to define how they feel about themselves.
So how what do we say to make sure that this doesn’t happen? The article gives the following suggestions:
- When talking about yourself, don’t mention your weight. Focus on positive things instead such as your hair or eyes, something that you like.
- Don’t constantly check yourself out in the mirror when you’re out and about.
- When trying on clothes, say things like “The cut of these pants isn’t right for me” instead of saying something derogatory about your body.
- Indulge in a treat when your family goes out for dessert to show that it’s okay, and that you can have a healthy relationship with food.
- Accept compliments when they are given, do not discount them.
- Talk to your children
While it’s not an inclusive list, it is definitely a good place to start. Because using derogatory comments, whether intentional or not, can have a negative effect not only on ourselves but also on our impressionable children.
So here’s hoping that we can change not only the way we think about ourselves, but also the things that we say. That way, when we teach our children to follow what we say and what do, we can mean it.
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