Married to An Older Man

I don’t know if I’ve ever told you before (I’m guessing you may have picked up on this on your own) but I am married to an older man.  And by older, I mean that there’s a 17 years difference in age between us.  (Gasp!)

If someone had told me years ago that I would have married a man who was a whole generation ahead of me, I would have laughed.  Back then, I tended to gravitate towards the young ‘uns.  Don’t worry, they were legal and most had even finished college, but I didn’t feel old so I certainly wasn’t going to go for someone my age or above.

So when the CPA came along, I was surprised.  First, he doesn’t look his age.  That’s always a bonus in my book.  Second, he doesn’t act “older”.  Well, other than that habit of listening to 70s rock, which I just can’t seem to break him of, but that’s a post for another day.  And third, he gets me like no one else has.  

As we dated, I began to see that there were advantages of being with someone who had experienced the world longer than I had.  First of all, he’s patient beyond belief.  Seriously, I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve dragged him around shopping malls and boutique stores looking for the perfect item, with him  patiently offering his opinion and carrying my bags the whole time.  

Then there’s his communication skills.  I’ve mentioned before his ability to listen to my side and to admit when I have a point, but there’s something to be said for just listening in general.  I used to date guys who had no idea how to really listen or if they did, they didn’t know how to respond.  I love that the CPA and I can sit and talk and listen to each other for hours.  And they’re great conversations too.  He communicates with me on a level that I didn’t know existed.  When there’s a problem, we work it out – we don’t hide in our room until the other one figures out something’s wrong.  We talk about it.  What a novel concept!

Now I know that there are plenty of guys my age and younger who also have these skills and I even dated some of these guys at one time.  My point is that there is something to be said for an “older man,” and this is something that I didn’t realize years ago.  In fact, I think that it’s because he is an older man and his subsequent years of experience that make him the man he is today.  And you know what?  That man is the perfect fit for me.  

Who would have thunk it?

Is there a difference in age between you and your significant other?  How many months/years is it?

cpa

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Jessica @ How Sweet It Is - September 27, 2009 - 5:56 pm

My husband is 10 years older than me. At first I was skeptical and wouldn’t date him for a few months, but he was persistent and it paid off. :)

Sometimes I never notice the age difference and usually when I do, it’s because he is doing something wonderful or being such a gentlemen!

Kristina P. - September 27, 2009 - 6:44 pm

I figured he was older than you, but I didn’t realize there was such an age gap! It sounds like it worked out perfectly!

I am 18 months older than my husband, and strangely enough, every single one of my friends who is in a serious relationship or married is older than their boys.

Dustin | Engaged Marriage - September 27, 2009 - 6:59 pm

My wife and I are close in age, so I have never given much thought to how a big age difference could impact a marriage today. However, I do have a unique perspective since my own Dad is 18 years older than my Mom. Like you noted, the age difference offered some uniqueness in our family, although I would say I felt more cons than pros having a much older father. We have always had something closer to a grandfather-grandson relationship without the usual activities that boys share with their dads. My wife and I have been blessed with two children while we are both still young, but I guess we’ll see if we end up with more as I get older!

Robynn's Ravings - September 27, 2009 - 7:35 pm

Yep, there IS a difference. Except I’m the older woman, by 7 years, 11 mos. I always say “It’s NOT 8 years!” LOL! We will celebrate our 23rd anniversary soon so, I guess it worked out. :)

the domestic fringe - September 27, 2009 - 8:15 pm

My husband is 7 1/2 years older than me. At first I thought it was a lot, maybe too much, but it’s perfect for us. Age is just a number.

-FringeGirl

Dawn - September 27, 2009 - 8:29 pm

My husband is 8.5 years older than me. We have been married 15 years. Our fmailies didn’t flinch. I was a little afraid that they would, but all agreed that I needed an older, more mature man and he needed a nice girl!

Jenna @ Newlyweds - September 27, 2009 - 9:12 pm

What a sweet post, I knew he was slightly older but would have never guessed 17 years!! My hubs is 6 years older than me, and I it fits just fine for us. We don’t seem to think about our ages much.

Stephanie - September 28, 2009 - 5:38 am

Sean is 1 year, 2 weeks younger than me. So every year for two weeks he claims there is a two year difference between us (my birthday is Jan. 7, his is Jan. 21). But I figure when I hit senior citizen and he’s not, I’m making sure no one gives him a discount on ANYTHING. :D

Jill - September 28, 2009 - 6:10 am

My husband is almost 3 older than me…but it doesn’t really seem like it, other than the fact that he finished college first, etc. My close friend is married to a man 20 years older than she. Being around him, I’ve never felt like “omg, he’s so old” or anything like that. It works for them, and that is what counts :)

Carolina Baker - September 28, 2009 - 6:23 am

There is only a two week difference between the hubby and I. Yet due to his upbringing he is mature beyond his years. He’s the one whose turned me into a mature functioning adult. By that, I mean, I was brought up spoiled and with a silver spoon and he wasn’t. So he’s been patient and willing as I’ve begun to change into the mature adult that I’m supposed to be. :)

I love having great conversations with the hubby. While fighting is still somewhat frustrating, most of the time we manage to bridge that communication gap and come to some sort of conclusion. It’s very helpful when your significant other admits you have a point – and I’ve noticed that with the hubby and I, we can’t get to that point when we aren’t communicating effectively. So that always requires some work. The best is when we’re fighting and we just crack up and realize we’re both talking a lot of nonsense.

Molly - September 28, 2009 - 6:47 am

My husband is 9 years older than me. When we first started dating my parents and family were a little skeptical, especially since he had been my college professor-(nothing scandalous I promise!!!). My younger sister called him “that 40 year old you’re dating” for a long time, even though we’ve been together 5 years and he’s still not 40. It was hurtful at first, but as soon as they met him and spent time with him they realized what an amazing guy he is and how perfect he is for me. He also looks much younger than he is. He still gets carded sometimes and when we were living abroad he got a student discount everywhere we went! I do sometimes worry about the future and being alone in my old age, but I always think of that quote from Steel Magnolias, “I’d rather of 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special”

Linda - September 28, 2009 - 7:01 am

Try 25 yr difference. My daughter is engaged to a fellow the same age as me. And now they have a baby. That took a little getting used to. By the same token they are really made for each other.

Jenny - September 28, 2009 - 7:30 am

I’m 5 days older than my husband. Do I get a prize for the closest in age?

Lauren - September 28, 2009 - 9:24 am

I’m 14 months older than my husband, but he definitely more mature than his peers. I’m always cracking jokes about respecting his elders and such. Most of the women in my family married younger, so we’re keeping up with the trend!

Meili Bell - September 28, 2009 - 10:16 am

My man is 7 years older than I am. He, too, looks younger than he is, and it only becomes noticeable when we’re talking about music or movies from our childhoods. He’s all into the ’80s hair rock, and I was just a toddler during that time. I have the same appreciation as you do for our age difference when it comes to his communication skills. He had to teach ME how to communicate and work through our differences instead of letting me clam up and allow the problem fester. In that way, I am so happy he chose me!

sparkly_jules - September 28, 2009 - 11:34 am

I’m five years older than my hubby. We’ll have our third wedding anniversary next month.

We have nothing in common except our views on religion and politics, but somehow it works. The only music we like in common is Johnny Cash and John Denver. :D

Jules

Andrea - September 28, 2009 - 12:26 pm

Jeff is 13 years older than me. I love him for the same reasons that you love the CPA. He’s patient, knows how to listen and communicate, and is over playing the games that younger guys are still caught up in. Sure we have our differences, I am more outgoing and spontaneus and he has been there/done that and is content to just stay home, but we will be together 4 years next week so something must be working! Thanks for being so open about your May-December relationship, I am really looking forward to when your little one arrives and hearing the stories about the CPA being a father when he’s a little bit older. It will give Jeff some support for when we start to have our own little ones :)

Alison (a girl in her element) - September 28, 2009 - 2:45 pm

Yep, 8 years! It works out well. Sometimes he acts younger and I act older, so we meet right in the middle. Sometimes he acts older and I act younger, so he can put my in my place. And sometimes we both act younger, so then we’re just two little kids!

Sandy - September 28, 2009 - 3:06 pm

Hey, Don’t be hate’n on 70′s music. :D

Lisa Stassforth - September 28, 2009 - 4:12 pm

I am 6 years older than my husband. I said I would never marry anyone I met at a church dance…well that’s where we met.. When we met we both said we were older than we looked and he still thought he was older than me. My music problem is that he likes the B52′s and played rock lobster at our reception….that’s ok because he has to listen to my disco music. We celebrated 20 years this year.

Annemarie - September 28, 2009 - 4:51 pm

2 years, but it seems like there’s not a difference. He thinks he looks older, he started to get grey hairs when he was 23. I love the salt and pepper.

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com - September 28, 2009 - 5:00 pm

There are 8.5 years – almost to the day – between the two of us. It’s never been an issue. We started dating when I was in my early 20s and he was coming up on 30, and it seemed like a big difference then, but now I never even think of it. When someone’s right for you, they’re right for you, and that’s that! =)

MyHormonesMadeMeDoIt - September 28, 2009 - 8:06 pm

My husband is 33 and I am 28. I told him we both act like/think we are 30, a perfect meet in the middle.

Janet - September 29, 2009 - 7:11 am

My husband is six years older than I am.

I was 19 and he was 25 when we married 24 years ago. The age difference between us was never an issue. Frankly, I think my parents would have been more concerned if at 19, I was marrying another 19-year old!

Like the CPA, my husband is lost in the music of the 70′s, which turned out to be a Great thing because now I love Three Dog Night and Carole King as much as he does. He’s still never warmed to Nirvana for me however… :)

Now that I am 43 and he is about to be 50, certain (men’s) health issues are creeping up for him that I do wish we had many more years to not worry about. But the bottom line is that you nor I would trade our older man, and marrying a younger man or even a man similar in age to us wouldn’t guarantee us less of the challenges we face today or might face in the future.

Unlike the Law, love knows no age. We find it where we find it (or it finds us) and who we fall in love with is who we fall in love with. Sounds to me like you wouldn’t trade the CPA’s wisdom and patience to roll back the 17 years he has on you just like I wouldn’t take away the six years my husband has on me – because without those six years I would probably have never gotten to see Three Dog Night in concert or have fallen in love with their song, Never Been to Spain!

All we have is today and today you are adored by a wonderful man, and the two of you together are about to experience the joy of becoming parents.

Here’s to a Long and happy life together for all of us!

Mindee@ourfrontdoor - September 29, 2009 - 7:27 am

I would have sworn I commented on this yesterday. Maybe I commented in my head?

In any case, what I meant to say is that I think you were super smart. I know that my husband would be a better “catch” today than he was when I got him.

the inadvertent farmer - September 29, 2009 - 8:01 am

5 years here. I have a very good friend who’s hubby is 17 years older than she is. She thinks nothing of it because her mom is married to someone 27 years older!!! I guess its all relative…Kim

Leyla - September 29, 2009 - 9:12 am

Oh wow, I knew there was a age difference, but I would have never guessed it was 17 years!! He definitely looks great. I think it’s how he feels inside. I truly believe that age is just a number, and mindset, experience, compatibility & maturity etc are a lot more important than the actual number.

I’m 5 years younger than my soulmate… =)

Leyla - September 29, 2009 - 9:15 am

Oops… I guess it is a fraudient slip…I am actually 5 years older, not younger..lol

Jes the Bes - September 29, 2009 - 10:11 am

My husband is only 6 months older than I am. It is fun to be so close in age because we are going through so many “firsts” together in all aspects of our life, especially careers. But the closeness in age has definitely posed many opportunities in learning to sacrifice.

StephTN - September 29, 2009 - 10:33 am

My boyfriend and I are two years apart. He is two years older than me. And I act like his elder :)

Amy - September 29, 2009 - 2:37 pm

Love reading everyone’s love stories.

My wife is 16 months older than me. I was 16 and she was 18 when we met. We’ll be married for 10 years come December.

JennC - September 30, 2009 - 7:18 am

As all of my friends married someone their age or close to, many of friends wonder why I married an “old man”. My husband is 15 years older than I am, however he is young at heart and people are shocked when they find out his age. More power to ya!

WebSavyMom - September 30, 2009 - 11:17 am

–>My husband is eight years older and I love to point out that when he graduated from high school I was in 4th grade!

http://www.WebSavyMom.com

Tamara - September 30, 2009 - 7:59 pm

I would have never guessed he was older. You guys are such an atractive couple, I never noticed ages.
My husband does those “urban word of the day” e-mails and he got one that was “half your age plus seven”. The definition was how much younger someone can be married to without raising eyebrows. Made me giggle. :)

Jessica - September 30, 2009 - 9:14 pm

My husband is 13 years older..We will be celebrating our 1st anniversary on Oct, 18th and we dated for 5years prior.

Blondie - October 1, 2009 - 1:23 pm

My husband and I are also 17 years apart in age! (I KNOW!!)

I’m 35 and he’ll be 52 in a couple weeks. I love my life with him and I think we make a perfect pair. Our pics are on my blog.

Shea - October 1, 2009 - 2:20 pm

My husband is 15 years older than me. We both feel that we are perfect for each other. He is 42 and I am 27.

Jodi - October 2, 2009 - 3:17 pm

My husband is 13 years older than I am. I had my daughter at 22 and as I tried to find men on the same planet as I was at that time I quickly realized that I gravitated to older people. Most of my friends were older with children and it never bothered me. When I met my husband I had no idea of the age difference. It never bothered me but I was floored when I found out. But as you said, he doesn’t look or act his age. He’s kind and patient and we are the perfect pair.

Mrs Ergül - October 5, 2009 - 1:12 am

my husband is 5.5 years my senior. age has never been a problem since I’m generally more mature than most my age. of course we have days when we both act like kids :)

Matt Bamberg - October 5, 2009 - 9:58 pm

If you like each other, so what?

–Matt Bamberg, author, http://www.amazon.com/Quick-Secrets-Create-Winning-Photographs/dp/1598639021

Sara -- The Football Wife - October 6, 2009 - 12:21 pm

The hubs has 12 years on me — When he was listening to the Eagles, I was learning to pee on the potty.

Cari - October 7, 2009 - 8:02 am

My husband is 10 years older than me and is completely gray which I find attractive. Someone at work said to me “is that your dad”??

Nice.

olivia - October 7, 2009 - 9:23 am

first time to your site, linked from a comment you left on pioneer woman. i like your blog title. my hubby is 45 and i am 34. i was born with severe scoliosis so i never counted on men my age to be able to look “past” the physical…i always told myself…one day i will meet an older, wiser man that will be totally over the whole physical obsession and be able to SEE ME. and that’s exactly what i found! there is something about the patience of an older man! i am really short and look younger so we get lots of looks out in public, especially when we hold hands and kiss. i love it! i love being the “hot, young catch” to my “older man”. i will always be young and he will always be the “man who got a younger woman”. we like to joke and enjoy that. ;)

MommyAmy - October 7, 2009 - 10:46 am

Hubs is 10 years older than me. I’ve always liked older men, in fact I can only think of 1 boyfriend back in high school who was the same age as me. I think that there’s just a big maturity difference between men and women of the same age until the men hit about 28 years old. And then it evens out and isn’t such a big deal.

As we’re both getting older now I think the age difference has become less noticeable and less noteworthy.

Cassie - October 7, 2009 - 10:54 am

I just stumbled upon this from another blog. My husband is 21 years older than me and I love it! He is so kind, wise, and still so much fun. I wouldn’t change a thing about him. I feel so special to have such a good looking, older man.

TraciJ - October 7, 2009 - 3:06 pm

Yep, there is an age difference. I am 10 years older than my husband, and we just celebrated 14 years of marriage, and still going strong! =)

We have a little joke (that is actually true), but I met my now husband when he was barely 21 at school in NY and I called one of my good friends to tell her about him and that I was a bit freaked out by his age, and she said, “have fun – it’s not like you’re going to marry him”……Thanks June!!

Mrs. H-B - October 11, 2009 - 3:14 pm

My husband is 5 years younger than I am. I worried a lot about the age difference when we first decided to get married, but now I rarely remember there’s a difference. Well, except when I say “I was a freshman in college when X happened” and he says, “Oh yeah, I remember that, I was in 8th grade.”

Jessica - October 12, 2009 - 10:15 am

My boyfriend is 18 years older than I am. We have been dating for 6 years. I can’t imagine dating someone my own age again. We are the perfect fit.

Tracy - October 14, 2009 - 11:22 am

I’m enjoying reading this post and all the comments as my future husband is 16 years older than I am. I never pictured being married to someone more than 5 years older, and the age difference was my only hesitation to recognizing that he is the one God had been preparing me for all along. It’s truly a blessing to have God write our love story. I’ve been looking for other similar stories myself. Thank you for posting this!

april - March 15, 2010 - 10:33 am

My husband is 10 1/2 years older than I am and in the begining it was hard for my mother because i was 19 and him 30. We now have 2 great kids and it has been 7yrs. The only time i really notice is t.v. shows, music, and other of the sorts like that. He is a great man and I dont really think I could have married anyone closer to my age sometimes it takes awhile for a man to grow up so i just went out and got on.. lol.
I have really enjoyed reading these posts

Maddy - July 3, 2010 - 9:22 am

Age, just like anything else in a relationship, is just something you need to be able to see beyond. If you can’t get over that and into the heart of who you’re with, then maybe it’s not worth it. But it worked out perfectly for you! And you’re happy! :o )
.-= Maddy´s last blog ..Sightseeing in DC =-.

Angie - September 9, 2010 - 12:04 pm

My Husband is 16 years older and we have been married for 6 years but together for 15 total. I couldn’t of asked for a better man! Age is just a number in my eyes!!

aderlaide - May 18, 2011 - 4:18 pm

im 18 and my boyfriend is 41 and we have been together for 3 years. i dont care what anyone says about us because we love each other.

OLKIN - June 30, 2011 - 10:34 am

HOW AB 35 YEARS OF DIFFERENCE??? WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 7 YEARS NOW!! GREAT YEARS! AND I NEVER MET ANY BETTER MEN THAN MY HUBBY! LOVE DOESN’T HAVE RULES OR LIMITS…

Leah - July 5, 2011 - 12:16 pm

I am currently in a relationship with a man who is 30 years older than me. I am 20 and he is 50, we have been together for 2 years and 9 months. I’ve never been so in love, he is such a warm, tender, caring person. Nothing like the boys ive dated that were my age. We have conversations that last for hours and we laugh all the time.
I moved in with him a month after knowing him, we have had our ups and downs like every relationship does, we have questioned our age gap and what i’m missing out on being with such an older man. But i don’t feel like i can find love like this with someone my age. I want to marry him and start our own family (he has 3 kids 11, 16, and 22)EEK!! I find myself very jealous of his past but still want to make a life with him. We have been through so much these past couple years, we both have meshed out lives together and our hearts…he is the love of my life and i know the age gap is gross, he is just a year younger than my dad, but love found us and i’m not going to turn my back on him just because he is older.

Mandy - November 29, 2011 - 6:18 pm

My husband is 20 years older than I am. We have a wonderful marraige and I am very happy. Sometimes people have asked if I am his daughter and that is a little embarassing. There are benefits to having an older wiser husband and there are benefits to having a husband your own age. Being happy is the main thing. This is a great come back, in this short video, for the is that your daughter question.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ofyy2dKoFPM

Kalya - December 16, 2011 - 3:26 am

My fiancee is 25 years older than I am and a wonderful man. My friends said the age gap is too wide and that he may not be around physically or sanely to see our children grow. There are no guarantees in life. I could marry a man my age and he dies in a car crash. Others say I won’t be happy and I ask what guarantee there is that I will be happy with a younger man …. I would rather have 10 happy years than 30 miserable ones.

MulanBeing - April 8, 2012 - 10:25 am

So this is my story. I meet my current boyfriend a year ago online. he was 42 and i was 24 when we first meet, 18 years apart. Both of us are Egyptians but he has been living in Canada for a long time ( over 10 years ) at the beginning we started a very cute friendship. We had lots of common and he was super hansom and sexy. After few months our relationship developed and i couldn’t feel for anyone but him, i left a guy my age i was dating coz i was thinking about my older man all the time and i wanted to be with him. I already have lots of family members married to an older man (15 and 17 yrs). I asked my parents and they were kinds accepting, dad said that he has to meet him, he also said that he might be a better man for me than another one my age. He is already used to visit Egypt every year coz his family are still here but this year he made it earlier ( October instead of Christmas ) he meet my parents, hanged out with some of my friends and we also went to a relationship Councillor together o advise the age gap and all those parties liked him allot and blessed our relationship. Once he traveled again to Canada i started to freak out and get afraid of our age gap but my family calm me down and advised that i should think by my mind about the proc and cons of our relationship … anyways we got back on track and he came to visit me again in Jan and the other time was a heaven, i felt that i am soo happy with him, we hanged out with friends and family we took pictures we were in public and no one actually hurt us with looks i was happy and ready and he traveled again. Now we are supposed to get engaged in may and married in August or September but i am living in a swing .. sometimes i see him the best man ever and the gift from God for me and some other times i get soo concern of our age gap … I read stories and opinions all the time, some of them are positive and some are negative. I am soo happy with him right now but i am soo afraid of the future and how i’d feel after marriage. Note both of us don’t believe in divorce and it’s not an option

Aria - June 3, 2012 - 11:00 am

My fiance is 27 years older than me. I never thought I would be falling in love with him since his age is soo ahead of me but he’s such a gentleman and I like his maturity. I never considered dating men as young as me anyway because I think they’re all jerks. :D Marrying an older guy has its advantages though sometimes his likes are too old for me..like his music! But I still love him.

Meg - August 7, 2012 - 10:13 pm

My fiance is 39 and I’m 25, we are 13 and a half years apart but it certainly doesn’t feel that way at all. We have fun, we laugh a lot and just try to live life day by day. At first when we started dating, the age difference bothered him a lot more than it did me but after time he didn’t even notice it anymore. We’ve been together going on three years now, and every single day I fall more & more in love with him.

Plus he’s a pretty well established man, in the sense of he knows who he is as a person & is secure of himself. Which honestly is refreshing to me, being as so many men my age are just insecure slobs nowadays. He’s intelligent, he’s funny. He knows what he wants out of life and what he doesn’t. No mind games. It’s great!

Yeah sometimes dating an older man has its baggage, especially if that person if divorced with children. I don’t have any kids of my own, and he has three. I love them very much, as if they were my own. Some women see a man with children as I don’t know like a red flag or something & head straight for the hills. But to me, watching my fiance with his kids, and seeing how great of a father he is to each one of them and the unconditional love he shows to them makes me want to have children with him too. Its not a hindrance, they are extensions of him and how could I love him and not them when they are apart of him?

I think if your core values are the same then age really isn’t anything but a number.

jude - November 12, 2012 - 7:52 pm

I am 47 and engaged to an 67 old man. We are truly in love and looking forward for our wedding next year but I can’t help it sometimes to think about the future. I just pray that we have good health and enjoy our time together.

Vinnie - December 22, 2012 - 4:23 pm

My boyfriend and I are 12 years apart, and although I’m in university and he’s all working owning his own place and I come back home for the holidays to stay with my mother. We click like crazy and our love for each other is just outstanding. I really hope it lasts.

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