Comments on: Stay At Home Mom – Yea or Nay?

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By: Prairie Princess

Prairie Princess — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 14:36:29 +0000

I am usually a closet reader but couldn’t resist the opportunity to weigh in on this loaded question and one that people feel very strongly about either way. I am a working mom of 3..by choice, which is hard for some to understand. But I tried being a SAHM for awhile and realized I’m just not cut out for it. I found that working at a job I love and having adult interaction all day has made me a better mom and more able to enjoy my kids when I’m with them. This may sound strange to some but it’s true. It also made me a more organized mom. Yes, it’s a bit overwhelming at times to work a full time job, come home, love on the kids, help with homework, do laundry, and prepare a home cooked meal but I manage to do it (mostly…). And you know what it? It gives me quite the sense of accomplishment to be able to manage all that and still maintain my sanity (again..mostly). It does help that I have a lot of flexibility with my job so I can still be at class parties, doctor’s appointments, field trips, etc. I also have a great husband who does morning kid duty all on his own so I can go to work early in order to be home when they get home from school. In the end it’s a very personal decision and one you really can’t make until after your little guy is here for awhile and you have a hands on perspective of parenthood. Another huge factor is finding a daycare provider you trust completely. I never regretted my decision to go back to work, largely in part to the excellent daycare my kids went to. We were fortunate that a close Christian friend of ours had an inhome, state certified daycare. She loved them like they were her own and still does even though they are in school now.
Best of luck with your decision and whatever you choose don’t let the opposing moms from the “other camp” get to you. They mean well.

By: Angi

Angi — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 23:00:51 +0000

My kids are almost grown now, but staying home with them was the best gift I could ever give them. We certainly could not afford it, and while all of our friends bought houses, we were renters. For the first year of my firstborn’s life I couldn’t bring myself to quit my job, but as I was sitting around doing nothing on my hour break, I couldn’t help but feel frustrated that someone else was raising my child. My mother raised me, and as a child, I felt bad for the kids who had to be in daycare. I finally took the plunge and have NEVER regretted it! I recently went back to work now that my youngest is in middle school. You would not believe how time goes by so fast. It makes me feel so sad to think that I may have chosen to keep working and miss all of those great times with them. I never felt bored being with the kids all day, and actually, I still think of that time as the best time of my life. Believe me, your children will thank you and appreciate you so much more. Do whatever you can do be with them, you won’t regret it!

By: Making my Mark

Making my Mark — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 02:13:24 +0000

I agree with Ambulance Mommy. As a result of a preemie and the need for a jet ventilator, I got cerebral palsy. Even with a good job, my mom’s work benefits maxed out VERY quickly with the 3 month NICU stay.

My family desperately needed the insurance. My mom never had a choice. She had to do whatever was necessary to take care of my brother and me. She was very fortunate to find a babysitter who was eager to help after interviewing COUNTLESS people. We are still friends with her family after 20 years.

My mom is a single parent now, so money is tight, but we manage. We hardly ever go out to eat, but we don’t need anything. God always provides. My mom has an excellent job and boss who understands our situation. She is so flexible with my doctor’s appointments and unexpected illnesses. She doesn’t have to work as hard as she did when we were born.

You just have to do what’s best for you. Don’t let someone downgrade you for your decisions because no one knows what else you’re dealing with that might influence your decision.
.-= Making my Mark´s last blog ..Stories =-.

By: Fabien@ Aruba Vacation

Fabien@ Aruba Vacation — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 00:03:25 +0000

After having our son my wife became a stay at home mom and for a few months it was fine but she then realized that it isn't what she wants to do. I feel that it important to keep busy but also make plenty of time for your children because you don't want the world to raise them for you. .-= Fabien@ Aruba Vacation´s last blog ..Things to do – Palm Beach =-.

By: AnnaLisa

AnnaLisa — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:09:36 +0000

Wow! I hardly ever blog surf and comment, but I do think there is a lot here. I am a working mom of a now 4-year old. I struggled when she was born, mostly with guilt over choosing to stay working. Like many here, we could have gotten by on our one salary, but it would have been significantly different / uncomfortable, as well as risky (especially with the recent economy, we have always been thankful to have two careers to help balance unemployment risks).

In the beginning I had huge guilt issues over taking my daughter and dropping her off. I think those issues were somewhat mine and somewhat societally imposed. It actually aggravates me to read someone here say that if you have your head screwed on, or any sense, etc. that of course you will be a SAHM. Really, I don’t think this issue is black and white. Only different shades of gray.

In the end, I have been so glad of my decision. My daughter loves her school and teachers, although not ONCE did I ever think that she bonded with those teachers over me or my husband. Our bond and love was always clear, and I do think that goes to the comment regarding QUALITY and not just QUANTITY of time.

I do try and take advantage of vacation days, days when I could leave early, etc. and get to spend additionally hours with her, but she grows and learns and thrives at her school. It really is school not just daycare. She goes to a church center, so she also learns about God and Jesus there, and I have no problems with many people teaching her — she is just growing more and more because of it.

I will say that the best decision is the one that you can live with. Period. You will find a way to make whatever choice you make work for you and your family, and I doubt have any regrets.

Do keep in mind that many people who have this perspective (of having chosen to return to work) may be underrepresented in your comment log. I blog “surf” mostly when I am off work, and less during a work week! No offense intended to anyone in this – just that I think people’s decisions really are a personal choice and work for them because of those very real personal commitments to making the choice the best one possible!

Good luck!

By: Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com

Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 02:20:17 +0000

I provided in-home childcare for years before having a baby of my own and that was a huge factor in our decision to do whatever necessary to keep one parent (me) at home. No matter how great the nanny, no matter how experienced or how attentive, I guarantee that nobody will care for your child and love your child like you do. And more than once, I had to tell a child that I was not their mother.

For us, the final straw was drawing out the hours. There are 168 hours in a week and given my commute and our sleep schedule, I would only be spending 7 hours more per week with my child than a daycare worker. I just wasn’t willing to split my baby time almost 50% with someone I probably don’t know. (Also, this sounds morbid, but we know a couple whose child died. They chose to have both parents work outside the home and that tore them apart more than anything after the death, all those hours they missed that they ddn’t have to miss. I was scared to death of feeling the same way if anything ever happened to Charlotte.)

Honestly, I love staying at home. I joined mother’s groups, take two daily walks, and go to library story hour a couple times a week. So I have plenty of social interaction. I rarely nap with Charlotte – I usually use her naptimes to shower, do laundry, (blog, eep!), wash dishes, make dinner, etc. I look at staying at home as a job. This baby and this household are like companies and I treat this job more seriously than anything else I’ve ever done. I try to look at it like I’m a CEO and I run a tight ship.

Not super tight. But every week, I get better. It took me like three months to get my act together, though.

Of course, we could use the extra income to save for Charlotte’s college and a rainy day. Our budget is very tight, much tighter than alot of people are willing to live with. But it’s worth it. I will never regret spending time with and raising my daughter every step of the way, after all.

By: Jennika

Jennika — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 23:21:16 +0000

I moved from the U.S. to New Zealand where we have paid maternity for up to 6 months and can take a full year off when we have our babies (employers hold the job for us). It gives women a better opportunity to sort things out. Just hearing that women get only 12 weeks in the States makes my head spin. It just isn’t enough time to determine what you want to do with the work/at home situation. I wish that in the States more emphasis would be placed on the mother/child relationship that first year rather than having to worry about leaving a tiny 3 month old at daycare. I wish the U.S. would follow suit with the rest of the world and take care of mothers better … so that they aren’t forced into returning within 12 weeks of giving birth because they’re worried about losing their jobs and consequently their health care that is tied to it.

By: Kate H.

Kate H. — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 20:45:26 +0000

Nothing brings out opinions like this topic! I agree, Tab, you’ll know what’s right. My friend Christianne was sure she wanted to go back to her teaching job after her first was born. She was pretty sure she wouldn’t like being a SAHM. Then she had her little one, and couldn’t imagine going back. I’ve had friends feel the opposite. Everyone has such a different response. I obviously didn’t have much of a choice but to finish my residency, and going back was torture for me. I do enjoy my job very much, but I’m someone who absolutely loves being home (so this part-time thing is working out much better for us). When I was working crazy resident hours, I worried so much that E wouldn’t know I was her mommy. But somehow she still did. I was the one she wanted above everyone else. And yes, sometimes it seemed like she hit a lot of her milestones while I was at work and she was with grandma or the nanny (who did most of the laundry and cleaning…hubby did the cooking!). Sometimes it bothered me, but it was still just as magical the first time that I got to see her do it. Now that I have more full days with her, I love experiencing more of her daily growth. I never tire of it. For us as well, I anticipate that it will be a fluid process over the coming years. Always a matter of prayer. Every step these last two years, I have taken because I have felt like it was the one that was right with the Lord. And so, if you feel good about it, you’ll know that all the details will work out. No situation is perfect, but if you follow your own intuition/answers to prayer, you don’t have to worry about the fact that someone else disagrees with your decision. I always laugh when people act like there is a one size fits all answer to this. I’m so excited for your little one to arrive–you’ll be such a good mommy! And there are as many different ways to be one as there are moms in the world. p.s. you know how a lot of people say to stay home when they are babies and go back when they are toddlers? I don’t know…now she can say, ‘no work, mommy!’ and it kills me every single time!