It’s hard to explain, but the past few days I feel as if I’m coming out of a fog. I feel like these ten weeks have been a blur of changing diapers, feeding schedules, lost sleep, and soothing cries. I’ve loved every minute of it, don’t get me wrong, but during these weeks, I realize that I sort of let go of myself.
I’m okay with that too because I think in the beginning, especially since I’m new at this, it should be all about the baby. The thing is – I didn’t even know I was doing it. Somehow I didn’t mind not taking a shower for three days in a row (my husband may have minded, however). It didn’t bother me that I had no idea what day it was or even what time. All that mattered was that I was taking care of our little one.
But that started to change a week or so ago. It suddenly occurred to me that I’d been completely out of touch with the outside world. I mean completely. I didn’t know what my friends were up to, I had no idea what was going on in the news, and what’s more – I didn’t care.
I think the recent visit by my mother really helped change my perspective. It had been eight weeks since Henry was born so we began taking the baby out in public, which meant that I had to be presentable too. It’s one thing to spend time dressing up your little one so that he looks cute, it’s another thing trying to find something to wear when all you have is maternity clothes that no longer fit. After weeks of not caring, I looked in the mirror and thought, “who is that”?
This line of thinking continued as almost every day that my mom was here we did something: ran to the super market, visited a children’s book store, we even made it to Sephora to buy make-up for ourselves! All of this running around with baby in tow reminded me that life does continue. I can still run errands and I can still function outside of my house even with a baby. Yes, it takes some extra time and work to get both of us ready, but I can do it.
Suddenly my days feel different. I make more of an effort to get ready so that I’m presentable or at the very least, clean. I try to get out of the house and I don’t mind bringing Henry with me (as opposed to leaving him home with his dad). I’m suddenly craving contact with my friends and I’m even reading blogs again.
I feel like I’ve found myself. Not that I was lost, I had just put my own needs aside for a while. But now I realize that I can, and need to, do both – be a mom and be myself. I owe it to me and I owe it to my family.
Plus it just feels good.
How did you feel after having your child/children?