Is Marriage Old Fashioned?

This morning I was reading the news as I often do, and an articled titled “Four in Ten Say Marriage is Becoming Obsolete” caught my attention.  I realize that journalists these days go for headlines that are designed to catch your attention, but still… 4 in 10?  Is that right?

While I’m no expert on being married since I’ve only been a wife for a little over three years now, I still find it hard to believe that marriage is becoming a thing of the past.  Religious and social reasons aside, I would think that people would want to get married at the very least for the ceremony.  Don’t little girls still grow up dreaming about their special day, imagining the moment when they will wear white and walk down the aisle in order to say “I do?”

The article went on to give more statistics about the 2,691 people who were interviewed stating just how many have divorced parents, how many live with unwed parents, etc. etc.  What I got from the article (and what I want to discuss here) is that according to the media, you don’t have to be married to have a family and that people are beginning to think marriage is a thing of the past.

Now I’m all for being open-minded and I know that situations in the world are changing, but I am a firm believer in marriage and stability and providing an example of both for children.  That’s not to say that kids in different situations will not enjoy a happy childhood or be given needed opportunities, I just think that being married is ideal.  And yes it is based on my religious beliefs but it’s also based on my experience.  My parents were divorced when I was 16 so I know what it’s like to have both.

We live in a world where, obviously, divorce is normal and living together before (or instead of) marriage is accepted as standard practice.  And please know that I’m not trying to find fault because I believe that everyone has a right to choose and I am most certainly the last person to tell others how to live.

But I am curious – why is it different now?  Is it because of the Brad and Angelinas of the world?  Is it a matter of practicality?  Is it because of money?  I’m curious: do you think that marriage is a thing of the past?  What has been your experience?


Kristina P. - November 18, 2010 - 10:15 pm

I agree with you. I still think marriage is the cornerstone of our society.
.-= Kristina P.´s last blog ..Celebrities R Us =-.

joy - November 18, 2010 - 10:23 pm

I have been married for a little over 5 years now. I got married late in life (around my mid-30s) though I do admit I was once engaged when I was 19/20. I am glad I did not get married that early in life because I am not sure where I would be right now. It is not to say I would have divorced but I am not sure if I would have been happy. I have always grown up with the belief of “no divorce.” What I mean is I understood there were good days and bad days but that marriage was something you worked hard at and not walked out on. Now, I don’t disapprove of divorce at all. I know people who are divorced because it was the right thing for them. I am just saying for my own self and my own beliefs, I was taught marriage was and is for life. At the same time, my relationship with my husband started out unconventionally as we met online through a relationship website. We did not meet in person for about 9 months. We spent a lot of time online and on the phone getting to know each other. By the time we met, there was only one question… would we be attracted to each other in person. Thank goodness the answer was YES! Both my husband and I come from parents who have never divorced. I would love to say my parents were lovey dovey around my brother and I all the time, but that was not so. My parents had a somewhat arranged marriage as my dad would tell the story about how he would bring fish and sake to my mom’s dad. Not sure if my dad told tales but that was the story. My dad has since passed away. What made my parents marriage work? I think it was seeing them in the good times and bad times and how they dealt with it all. My parents truly loved each other especially when I saw how my dad reacted when my mom underwent major surgery. This was one of the few times I realized that he would have been lost without my mom.

I think that yes society is changing but at the same time I myself don’t believe marriage is obsolete. I mean I open the Sunday paper to the living section and see at least 5-6 wedding announcements plus another 8 or 9 engagement announcements. To me marriage is a commitment to your partner and to your family whether it is just the two of you or the the two plus children. I hope marriage never becomes obsolete. At the same time, I can respect what paths couples and families want to take. For myself, I stick with marriage and its vows.

Kim - November 19, 2010 - 3:22 am

Well whoever says marriage to be a thing of the past is a fool . Media people will do anything or write anything just to attract the attention of the readers or viewers. How can marriage be related to fashion??LOl . How can a tradition which has been going on from centuries can go ‘out of fashion’ ? Marriage not only brings stability in the lives of two people but it also does wonders for their children.People who stay unmarried involve in all kinds of things which they might have not done if they were married.Love marriages do happen so how can that become a thing of the past?

Julie - November 19, 2010 - 5:08 am

I believe in marriage but only if it is gone into with the mindset that it is forever. Having worked daycare and in schools, I can tell you that getting pregnant is not a good reason to get married. I’ve seen too many kids living in an unhappy home because their parents “had” to get married.

I think this is more an issue of morals and sexual purity. If, to be blunt, people were still taught to keep their pants on until they get married, this would not be as big of an issue. Right now, marriage has no perks other than benefits from employment (ie. insurance, etc).

As much as I wish that marriage was still the norm and a cornerstone of our society, I have to say that marriage is becoming less popular. But it will never be obsolete I don’t think.
.-= Julie´s last blog ..Day 17WooHoo for Food!! =-.

Dez - November 19, 2010 - 7:34 am

I also saw this article and it struck me. I always wanted to be whisked away and get married and live happily ever after. It took me a long time to realize that wish was totally unrealistic. That being said, I have been married over 6 years, and I am glad that I did it. Perfection is not real, but I see the good in our imperfections. I think having two people profess their commitment to the world (a marriage) is a great thing. But I believe that two people can be in a stable relationship, with children and function as a traditional married couple without a piece of paper deeming them to be “just” and “as one.” Having a certificate does not necessarily mean everything is peachy-keen. I have seen firsthand how people use marriage for their own betterment–where it has nothing to do with love. And I find that to be very sad. Life isn’t black and white. There are many shades of grey. I think it is good that the census bureau is acknowledging that most families are not one or the other, there are many different setups. As for me, I want to make my marriage work, and be happy I’ve had a partner when we look back after 50 years (which is possible as I am only 26).

Heather (Heather's Dish) - November 19, 2010 - 8:04 am

i think marriage is becoming more “in the past” but that doesn’t mean i agree it should be…it’s the BIGGEST blessing in my life, i don’t know why people are shying away from it!

Cindy W. - November 19, 2010 - 8:13 am

I just celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary a few days ago and I can say I believe that marriage is the only way to go. It is a commitment to each other and to your children.

Terra - November 19, 2010 - 9:20 am

I actually posted about this on my facebook yesterday, I heard it while I was listening to talk radio. I whole heartedly agree with you. I think our society has made it acceptable to not be married, to live together, to have children and a family and for marriage to not be the center (nor God to be the center of the family). I personally think that marriage is still sacred and SHOULD occur. I want my children to see that their dad and I are stable, a comfort to them. I grew up in a divorced family as well, but I’m going to do everything in my power to avoid that for my children.

Mindee@ourfrontdoor - November 19, 2010 - 9:42 am

I live in a conservative area and I’ve not noticed a difference. I hope it’s not a thing of the past. I think that commitment and stability are things we should be rushing towards.
.-= Mindee@ourfrontdoor´s last blog ..Why I Like Boys =-.

Paula @ KnitandSeek - November 19, 2010 - 9:43 am

Agreed. I found that article really depressing. I feel pretty strongly that marriage strengthens families and by extension, communities in general. As someone who’s been with the BF for 4 1/2 years, and dying to get married for 3, it made me sort of sad.

Funny aside, though — I was sitting at work staring at this article on the front page of yahoo when I got an email notification from BF. The subject line was “good article”. Talk about timing…

(Full disclosure, he was sending me something about some rocket and satellite thing, not this one — thank God!)
.-= Paula @ KnitandSeek´s last blog ..FO Friday or Once a Cheater =-.

Millie - November 19, 2010 - 9:47 am

I saw this same article yesterday, and I thought the same thing! No, I don’t think marriage is a thing of the past, but I do think it’s not taken with enough seriousness and respect as it once was. I’m sure I freaked out my husband when I told him early on in our relationship that I don’t believe in divorce. Unless there’s violence or cheating or something else crazy going on, I think more people need to learn to work through marriage issues, and will be a stronger couple in the future for it. I know that’s a big “unless” up there, but the other part of this is that people need to be strong enough in their relationship and have enough trust and faith in each other BEFORE they get married to know those things aren’t going to happen in the future. My husband and I dated for 5 years before we got married, and I’m SO glad we did. Yay for happy marriages!

Renee - November 19, 2010 - 9:56 am

On a somewhat related note – I find it so sad that our society today can’t exist without the slang terms “baby mama” and “baby daddy”. Children have been born to couples “out of wedlock” (for lack of a better term) forever. whatever. But their parents were usually in a relationship. But we so often now see two people who aren’t even in a relationship or aren’t even dating having children. It’s terrible.

I, for one, don’t see marriage as obsolete and am so grateful to God for mine. Thanks for posting this. We all need to be talking about this more.

Monique - November 19, 2010 - 10:54 am

Every time I see things like this it just makes me sad. I believe in marriage. IT is work and commitment which it seems so many people do not have these days. I want to show my children what is means to love someone and work together. Society always seems to want to take the easy way out.

Märtha - November 19, 2010 - 11:18 am

I do believe in marriage and I don’t think it’s old fashioned. I’m only 20, and I’m not married yet, but I definitely will marry some day. I grew up with married couples around me and as I#m a Christian I also have a religious background for believing in marriage. But most of all I think everybody needs someone to love, to be happy with and to spend time with.
.-= Märtha´s last blog ..I’m looking for corny in my life =-.

Jenna @ Newlyweds - November 19, 2010 - 2:07 pm

I don’t think so at all, at least in you come to my small town and see all the wedding announcements in the newspaper. ha ha…

But as a religious ceremony I do see more and more choosing non religious weddings, etc.

I do still stronger believe that most people want to live their lives with a chosen partner, I’m not worried in the least.
.-= Jenna @ Newlyweds´s last blog ..Thanksgiving favorites =-.

Casper - November 19, 2010 - 2:08 pm

I think what is changing is that divorce is becoming widely accepted so many people have no problem rushing into a marriage for the wrong reasons because the whole time they are thinking “if it doesn’t work we can just get divorced.” With this attitude the divorce rate also climbs so people think I am not getting married it will just end in divorce.

Also I think that many kids that did come from divorced homes are avoiding marriage because they don’t want to end up in their parents shoes.

Like another poster said, there aren’t many perks to marriage now a days besides healthy insurance and tax breaks because people don’t view marriage as a needed thing in order to have kids, have sex, live together, etc. I have often heard of marriage referred to as a business transaction and nothing more.

I think it also depends on what area you live in. Some are more old fashion than others.

I don’t think marriage will ever be a thing of the past though because too many people still believe in it.

For me personally I think marriage than kids is the right way for me. I know it isn’t for everyone though. But for me it is.
.-= Casper´s last blog ..French Dip Experiment =-.

Kristy - November 19, 2010 - 5:24 pm

I can’t imagine my life without my marriage–I’ve been married for over a third of my life at this point. I’m probably ‘old fashioned’ by many people’s standards. We married young; I was 20, and I told my husband I would never divorce him too–a separation maybe, but I’d never give him a piece of paper saying our marriage was over. Marriage gives us such stability. It puts certain ‘rules’ on our relationship, which make life more stable, for me, for him, for our kids.

Marriage is God ordained, so who am I to question that? I know many people disagree with me, but I truly believe that there are definitive rights and wrongs and that we were given those rules to protect our minds, hearts, bodies, and souls.
.-= Kristy´s last blog ..Cat in the Hat Cake =-.

admin - November 19, 2010 - 6:21 pm

Such an interesting discussion… I have to confess that I’m glad to see that a lot of you still believe in the institution of marriage and all that it offers. :)

Tabitha W - November 19, 2010 - 6:54 pm

I am one of the people that do believe it is a thing of the past. It is something that is no longer needed to be happy, complete and in love. Sean and I have been together for almost 11 years. We are in total love and can’t get enough of each other and I strongly belive it is due to the “Want” or be together, not the requirment of meeting a comittment. I never, ever as a girl or young woman had thoughts of getting married, wanting to be a bride or anything of the sorts. My parents have been married for over 30 years and continue to be happy and in love.
We dont usually attend weddings unless it is a very close friend or family because often it feels like a cash grab or attention seeking behaviour. I think if people want to get married, so be it, its not harming anyone and if it makes you feel satisfied in your life thats wonderful! But i do feel that in todays day and age it is overrated. Its no longer about love and a relationship it is about the chance to dress like a princess, spend money unnessacary and show off. A few years ago, I wrote this about my relationship with Sean…

Please note: this is my view on marriage and my relationship. Many will and do not share this view and thats ok. Please do not take this personal b/c if you do you may find it offensive. If you take offense it is because you took it personally when you shouldnt have b/c it is not about you.

to sean for making me want, every day and forever

Need and Want.
Over the last year or so, we have been asked several times when it will be our turn to “tie the knot”. Although I had made a posting about this once before, I recently had an insight that is causing me to re-post about this topic.

Lying in bed I started to ponder the difference between co-habitation and legal marriage. I slowly came to the realization that it is the difference of need and want.

I can love you every day because I want to, not because I made a promise or a vow. Not because people witness my feelings or that we have joined families. Not because I am expected to by friends and family. I love you because every day when I wake up I want to love you.

We are joined with nothing more than the desire to be together. The will to continue our relationship every day, to grow, learn, laugh and continue our friendship not because we have a contract, a legal commitment or a religious promise. We do this every day because we choose to, we want to.
The need in this relationship is none because we have created it this way. We have had the ability to shape our lives outside the box of defined marriage. We have gone beyond the vows and promises of typical couples and created something that is unique to us, something that can no longer be defined by a ceremony or a title. We have met our needs by creating a desire much greater then expectations of others and institution. We have created an everyday want.

Every day I wake up and know who I am, not because I am defined by you but because I define myself. The ability to become who I want to be without feeling compelled that I have to complete you, be your other half. You have created in me a want to be your partner without asking me for promise, contract or continuous validation. I want to be with you.

I know that without you I will still be a complete person. I know that we are both strong enough to do it on our own without partnership without each other but that is not what we want. We know that we don’t need each other. We know that without each other life will continue we will remain a person with the same abilities and personal strengths we have always had, but we want to be together.

In the hierarchy of needs love is listed as the third need in the triangle. This is a need that all human must have to survive there is no disagreeing with that. It can be fulfilled by friends, lovers, parents, mentors ect. I have chosen to fill it with you. I have decided to go beyond just filling the need of love and marriage and have created a desire to be with you forever without the pressure of making it work. I want to love you, want to be with you and have never felt this perpetuating cycle for validation and commitment is necessary in my life. I have never felt this need and will never feel it because you meet it without me even asking. Without expectation, promise, paper and jewellery. You meet my need because you want to, as I do yours.

We have created a life that if one day we don’t want to love each other anymore it will be ok. We have created separate identities, lives and spirits that know how to live apart as well as together. To me that is the ultimate gift. This want must be engaged and driven; it must be intrigued and worked on. It must also be the will of both without any other underlying causes, without any promises contracts and obligations. This is what makes us strong. This is what makes us want each other. This is what makes us partners, an equal share of a common interest, us.

David Patrick - November 19, 2010 - 10:30 pm

I actually wrote a response to that 40% article yesterday. It was called Over 60% say marriage is NOT Obsolete. Here is the link:

carolina - November 20, 2010 - 11:36 am

I think it’s a couple reasons…

1. More accepted now. That means, people suffer less repercussions socially if they choose to live with a partner and not married.

2. Women don’t need men as much. And I say that as liberally as I can. Women are earning and going to college more than our sexual counterparts and that means, we have more economical independence that we’ve ever had before. Sadly, this means, women are choosing to either separate if they aren’t happy with their partner, or their adopting alone, or going to sperm banks. Instead of trying and compromising and being in a loving relationship that provides an example to children, women are opting to go at it alone because they can. (Please note: I’m married and I don’t mean to disregard extreme circumstances in divorces or separation such as abuse, addictions, etc).

3. marriage is a choice. It is no longer needed and because of that, partners are more liberal and take more time in their choosing.

Vicky - November 20, 2010 - 5:39 pm

I think it is not becoming a thing of the past, it will be back in fashion again- I think it’s just a trend right now to skip on marriage. Perhaps too many people have become cynical about marriage because of their own parents divorcing or because there are now so many socially acceptable lifestyle choices nowadays. Before things were more black and white- right and wrong. Nowadays things are way more grey.

As for me, my husband and I dated for 6 years before we married in the Greek church. We did live together for a year after we became engaged even though I was opposed to it. Living together was very important for him. I finally got my parents blessing but it was still a difficult decision for me since I was opposed to the concept.

I firmly believe that people should be married before they have children, though. I am not grey on that.

Jen - November 20, 2010 - 10:33 pm

I was single for 12 years before getting married (yay!) and can see such a difference between the single vs. married life. I love being married and come from a family and extended family who for the most part are all happily married and have not divorced. They chose wisely from the get go, and treated their spouse with kindness and unselfishness. I think that has been huge for them. Is marriage becoming obsolete? I highly doubt it and think the media loves to harp on the topic of marriage/gay marriage/shacking up,etc. I totally agree with the others who said that marriage should be first before having children. There isn’t any argument in any studies I’ve seen that disagree on that!

Marriage between a man and woman is the foundation of any society and the provides the most stable and ideal situation in which to raise children. There is something wonderful about a man who asks a woman to marry him instead of just living together, shacking up, making babies, and not having any commitment. Marriage shows commitment, maturity, love and devotion. Add children to the mix and they are in the best possible situation:)

Is it becoming obsolete? I highly doubt it. But it is pretty sad when people don’t see any value in it, or treat it lightly. It is literally the foundation of any society, since the beginning of time.

sparkly jules - November 22, 2010 - 12:53 am

First, I’d like to thank Tabitha for being so open. I hope she (you) don’t mind if I do the same.

First a few things about me: I’m a left leaning liberal; I don’t believe in organized religion for ME, although I do believe in a higher power, call it what you will. I pray regularly. I’m a live and let live person–do what you like within the law, just don’t get it on me.

That said…I do not believe marriage is old-fashioned. As I was explaining to a friend of my husband’s who has been with his GF over 8 years and doesn’t want to get married (and does she really think she can wait him out?), something happens on your wedding day. Something transcendent. It’s like floating on a cloud, your feet don’t really touch the ground. It’s like you are the only two people in the whole universe–there’s a big party and relatives from out of state, a pretty dress and cute little girls dancing with your uncle who has a big bandage on his thumb because he almost cut it off doing some work around the house but he came to your wedding anyway–and it’s happening around you, not to you: It’s just you and your spouse. You’ll look at each other and giggle for no reason. You can feel him look at you from across the room. And nothing, nothing in the world feels as amazing as that feeling on that day.

It is not old-fashioned, it is a promise, and the day promises go out of fashion I hope that’s the day I take my last breath. It is a binding–a spiritual binding of yourself to another person–the old cliche’ “now we are one” is true. Like the silver cords described by people who’ve had “out of body” experiences connecting their body to their soul, a new silver cord of the spirit connects you to your spouse. And on your wedding day, everything is heightened. It’s magic. It really cannot be described, only experienced.

.-= sparkly jules´s last blog ..Im Not Crazy Im Not Im Not Im Not! =-.

sparkly jules - November 22, 2010 - 12:58 am

And I’d just like to add–this is my second marriage, and I did not have this experience on my first wedding day. Divorced eight years later…hmmm…
.-= sparkly jules´s last blog ..Im Not Crazy Im Not Im Not Im Not! =-.

Helena Sandgren - November 22, 2010 - 5:14 am

I think it’s hilarous that some people seem to think that marriage equals commitment and stability. Marriage doesn’t automatically provide a safe and stable environment for children, it’s all about the people in the relationship and how committed they are to each other, you don’t need a wedding certificate for that…

I have been living in a very committed and loving relationship for the past seven years, we own property and have a baby son together that was much planned and longed for. We are not married and have no intentions of ever getting married. Can someone explain to me how we can possible give our son a more stable upbringing by getting married? What kind of difference would that make? And please don’t say that marriage is ordained by God, we are noth atheists so that would not be a valid reason for us to get married.

Helena Sandgren - November 22, 2010 - 5:16 am

Oups, meant to se that we ARE atheists and nothing else :-)

Sara - November 22, 2010 - 10:23 am

Tabitha, thanks for starting this topic! I’ve been really interested to read everybody’s comments above. My main contribution is that I personally think there is far too much blurring between the religious sacrament of marriage that the government designation of marriage. Actually, Helena’s comment above me is a perfect example–she and her partner are atheists and living in a stable, committed relationship. Why should they get married? While I am personally a Christian and come with a certain set of beliefs, I don’t think it’s right for me to try to impose elements of those beliefs on someone who doesn’t believe in a Christian God and lifestyle. Now I wouldn’t try to take this to the extreme and say the government has no business whatsoever in marriage, but I do think there needs to be a greater distinction between the religious sacrament of marriage (and everything that goes along with that) and the civil recognition of marriage.

Also, for those of us who are married, I think one thing that makes marriage a challenge today (as opposed to our grandparents) is the fact that society isn’t nearly as supportive of marriage as it once was. It’s a lot easier and more ok to walk away from your marriage today.

Just my thoughts :)
.-= Sara´s last blog ..Thanksgiving prep- the turkey =-.

Amy - November 22, 2010 - 10:32 am

As a gay woman who doesn’t have the option of marriage, I will say that I desperately want it. I know a lot of gay people in the same boat, it is definitely not old fashioned to me or them.

I have a civil partnership in the UK, but it really isn’t the same. The only people who would think it old fashioned I think are people who have the option and chose not to take it. When you’re denied something like that it becomes all the more appealing.

I’ve been with my wife since I was 16, I adore her, I would love to know that our relationship were recognised across international boarders.
.-= Amy´s last blog ..It’s in the ABC of growing up =-.

admin - November 22, 2010 - 10:49 am

What a great discussion! I’m so glad everyone has commented and it’s so nice to hear from others with different views… I believe everyone has a right to feel exactly how they want to and I know this is a sensitive topic, so I appreciate everyone’s contribution!

Tabitha W - November 23, 2010 - 9:18 am

Amy, it saddens me that you are unable to “get married” where you live. I do believe that everyone should have the choice to get married or not. I am sorry that this choice and right is not available to you yet. Come to Canada and get married, I’ll throw you both a party.

I have loved reading everyone’s replies, however, I do feel that I need to speak about the comments regarding children. I work in child welfare and protection and I would like to say that in the last decade I have seen children from all situations come into care for a variety of reasons. Many come from married couples, many from single parents, some from blended families. In my time working in this field there have been no difference between the youth that come from married homes and the youth that do not. What I can tell you is that many of the children and youth who have suffered sexual and physical abuse have come from homes where the parents are married or partnered. The piece of paper does not protect them.

Having said that, there are many dysfunctional relationships out there. How many times have we met adults who’s parents stayed together for the sake of the children? Are those environments not just as toxic? The level of commitment to your children and your relationship to your partner (husband, wife, lover, partner ect) does not rely on a promise or paper or religion, but on the ability to love, create a home, and work through the everyday problems that every couple no matter their legal or religious status has. If children are given a good home regardless of who they live with (aunt, grandma, dad, foster parents) they will be better for it.

Sean and I will never get married, but I know that one day we will have foster children. It is not the lack of marriage that will make us good, strong and loving foster parents but the strength of our relationship, our ability to cope and the desire to want to be together that will see us through difficult times.

I respect those who wish to get married (or desire to be wed but due to law can not), but ask that our relationship not be lessened or our skills as parents not be criticized because of the choice we made not to obtain religious and legal paper affirming our commitment.

I am loving this discussion and thank everyone for being so open about their views! To happy relationships!!

Jenn - November 24, 2010 - 1:15 am

Good post! I don’t think marriage is a thing of the past at all. I do think there are some people who don’t take it as seriously as they should and enter into a marriage with the idea that if it doesn’t work out, divorce is always an option. I feel that the ‘wedding’ is more of a celebration than the subsequent ‘marriage’, which I think is a bit backwards. I’ve been in a relationship for the last 3 years, am near 30 and am not in a hurry to marry my man as I don’t see things this way. I would prefer to take my time making sure he is the right one for me because I want to do everything I can in preparation for marriage to give it the best chance. My parents, like many people out there, had a very painful divorce and I think that plays a huge part in my hesitation in this area. I do know people who have been engaged 2 or 3 times, the engagement comes rather quickly and broke off before the wedding. Its each to their own of course but I don’t see that marriage is a thing of the past at all. Maybe the treatment of it is changing, the whole ’til death do us part’ thing is flexible, but people are still entering the sacrament of marriage.
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..Post 7- Success! =-.

Mary - December 6, 2010 - 10:39 pm

I do worry about the state of marriage. My own son is shacked-up. What can I say?
I have been married for 46 years. My husband and I eloped four months after I graduated from high school. We were trying to keep him from getting drafted. It worked only for 1 1/2 years. He was drafted and sent to Vietnam.
I think the feminist movement has caused the anti marriaged attitude. Women wanted to be just like men. Now they are. I wonder if they are happy?

Robin Koykka - December 8, 2010 - 8:46 am

My parents life from my perspective has been simple, met, married, and molded 49+ years together. Yes, I will have a party for their 50th.
My life… a little more complicated. I got married at 21, and to my surprised found myself alone 5 years later – divorced, I never seen it coming. Then in my later twenties I stated dating and married the girl who I tell people saved my life. I know that sounds dramatic, but some people are quiet unsung hero’s, maybe only known by their mate who they are hero’s to.
Our marriage has had it’s ups and down… mostly because of issues I have from the previous, which takes me to the point I will make of what it takes to make it work.

Marriage is made up of two good forgivers.

I’ll tell you, I have a firm spiritual foundation, and believe firmly in the words stated at (2 Timothy 3:1-5) which says…

3 But know this, that in the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here. 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, 3 having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, 4 betrayers, headstrong, puffed up [with pride], lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godly devotion but proving false to its power; and from these turn away.

This is the state we see the world in today, so… getting, being, and staying married will become a greater challenge as the things in that scripture manifest themselves more, and more.

When people have issues they abandon solid values for something that seems to be easier, we have a tendency to keep trying to reinvent the wheel, and wonder why things are so complicated. Marriage is a simple, beautiful arrangement.

In another place in the Bible it says God hates a divorcing… the reason this is so is the actions that lead up to the divorce. It could include the cheating, lying, abuse of various forms that lead a marriage breakdown.

I find it hard to imagine, the little girl I’ve married being treated any other way than with kindness, respect, and love, and I’m going to ensure that she is always treated that way…
by acting that way, and never leaving her side.
(Married 21 years Dec 1, 2010)

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