Living with IBS

I want to write about something today that’s near and dear to my heart:  my stomach.  You see, I am living with IBS and have been for years.  And no, IBS does not stand for Insanely Beautiful Skin (I wish) or Itchy Back Sores (thank goodness).  It stands for Irritable Bowel Syndrome.  Doesn’t sound much better than the back sores, does it?

The reason I’m writing about it is because has been such a huge part of my life and it’s a subject that, for me, is hard to talk about. For that reason alone I want to address it with the hopes that it will become less scary and embarrassing.  And if it helps someone else in the process, all the better.

First, a definition: Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) is “a disorder that leads to abdominal pain and cramping, changes in bowel movements, and other symptoms.”  The symptoms vary from person to person but they include anything from diarrhea to constipation.  According to the National Library of Medicine, one in six people live with IBS so it’s fairly common I’d say.

Still, as common as it is, I didn’t know what I had.  I knew I had a “nervous stomach.”  That’s what they call it when you have a date scheduled for Saturday night and you spend all of Friday in the bathroom.  Hypothetically of course.  It’s no fun dating with a nervous stomach.  Or do anything else for that matter.

Then there are the panic attacks and the related anxiety.  The constantly wondering “what if’s.”  What if I can’t make it to the bathroom in time?  What if I eat that fish sandwich during our lunch with my colleagues and it doesn’t agree with me and I spend the next hour sick in the restroom?  Do you see how that could cause problems?  Half the time it wasn’t the stomach issue itself, although it is certainly real and not fun, but it was the fear of the stomach problem that was debilitating.

I can recount time after time in my life where I didn’t go to something or where I left early all because of my stomach.  Sometimes it was the panic or fear of an “attack,” other times it was an actual symptom – an upset stomach or sharp pains – that kept me at home.  My social life suffered as a result as did my mental health.

Don’t get me wrong.  I did things, went places, had fun.  But there were always things that I could not, would not do.  To this day, whenever I go somewhere, I have to sit near the door, or I have to have an escape plan ready.  And attending something without a bathroom is out of the question.

It got so bad a few years ago, that I had panic attacks just going to the grocery store that was only two miles away.  Road trips were a nightmare and traveling in general was excruciating.  I could go on but you get the idea.

So what changed?

Well, after two years of working with a therapist on the IBS-related anxiety issues, and after being officially diagnosed with IBS in 2005 (via a colonoscopy and endoscopy; good times), I decided to start taking medication.  I began taking Zoloft, .25 mg, the smallest dosage possible, and that’s what I continue to take today.

And you know what?  It did the trick.  It calms my stomach and my nerves and it takes the edge off just enough that I no longer panic when I leave the house.  I can go on road trips without watching the side of the highway to see where I could go to the bathroom if I had to.  I was able to have Henry without out the fear that had previously held me back.  In fact, I’m able to do a lot of things that I used to avoid.

It’s not to say that the IBS has gone away because it hasn’t.  But my fear has.  Or subsided at least.  I still don’t eat when I travel.  I still refuse to do certain activities and I still look for the bathroom wherever I am.  And unfortunately I still suffer from IBS symptoms fairly regularly (unexplained stomach pains, sensitivity to foods, etc.) but I deal with it.

I guess my point to this post is to make others aware that IBS is a real issue, it’s not something made up 0r something that is “all in your head.”  It can sometimes be debilitating but there are often ways of managing it.  It may not be easy, not everyone will understand, and you may have to ask for help, but you can live with it.  There really isn’t any other choice.

So please, if you know someone living with IBS and even if you don’t necessarily get what the big deal is, try to cut them some slack.  And by all means, let them know where the bathroom is.