I forgot how much you worry when you’re pregnant. Is the baby moving enough? Will she be hurt if I wake up lying on my back? Am I gaining enough weight? Too much? Is that cramp I’m feeling a contraction?
I thought for sure that this time around things would be different, more of the “been there, done that” mentality. It was for a while. The first trimester was a matter of survival as I struggled to function normally. With the move into our new home and with keeping up with a toddler, I didn’t have much time for anything else. But somewhere around 18 weeks or so, probably about the time I began to feel her move, things got real and the worry set in.
I guess it’s normal to worry and it’s probably inevitable that at some point you think the worst. But I think I tend to worry more than some because of past experiences. See, my mother had a baby who was born stillborn when I was about eight years old. It was a girl and she was named Danielle. I still remember when my dad came and picked my brother and me up from the babysitters. The break in his voice, the tears on his face as he told us that the baby wasn’t coming home. It was the only time that I remember seeing my dad cry.
It’s hard not to think about that experience as I plan for the birth of my own daughter. Especially after the small scare we had a couple of weeks ago. We went in on Christmas Eve for our bi-weekly checkup and were told that the baby was measuring small. I asked what that meant and the doctor informed me that if that was the case, I would be placed on strict bed rest to help the baby grow faster. Yikes. Needless to say, over the next couple of days of Christmas activities I couldn’t shake the nagging worry in the back of my mind. It was with huge relief that we were scheduled for an ultrasound later that week and it was even more of a relief to learn that not only is she not small, but she is measuring two weeks ahead. Hallelujah.
But we’re not out of the woods yet, as I’m reminded every day. Thankfully there are only 10 weeks left of this wondering, waiting, and worrying. Even though it feels like it is going to take forever, I know that some day I’ll look back and I won’t remember all of the stress and the anxiety.
Besides, by then, I’m sure there will be other things to worry about. Things like her driving, dating, going to school, etc.
Maybe my worries now aren’t so bad after all?