I found mine at the tender age of 35, a mere three years ago.  I still remember how devastated I was.  I believe tears were also involved.  Even though it was just a random grey hair, there’s something about seeing proof of the fact that you’re aging instead of merely thinking it will happen “some day.”

As awful as that experience was, it was nothing, I mean nothing, in comparison to how I felt the day that I realized I was going bald.  Yes, bald.  As in receding hairline, tufts of hair growing out of my ears, bald.

Okay, maybe it’s not that bad.  But still…

I made that discovery last week and it was due to this picture (admittedly it looks worse in this picture than real life because my hair looks so very dark here.  At least I hope it doesn’t look this bad in real life.):

Remember that picture?  I used it in a post about our recent trip.  See that little spot up near the top, right above my eye?  That’s the one.  Bald I tell you.  Now compare it to the picture below (taken back in 2007) and you’ll see what I mean.  No spot.

I should have known this would happen.  I’ve been losing hair by the fistfuls over the past two months.  I’ve got hair everywhere – it’s in the sink, it’s on the floor, it’s in my baby’s hands as he pulls away from my neck, it’s everywhere.  It supposedly has something to do with the hormonal change my body has gone through since having the baby, blah, blah, blah.  Again, reading about it happening and then seeing it actually take place are two very different things.

So I did the same thing that I did when I noticed my first grey hair – I Googled.  Imagine my relief when I saw several posts about how normal hair loss is after a pregnancy and how it will eventually grow back.  I even read about one woman who suddenly had a bald spot right above her temple (just like me!).  Needless to say, I came away from my Google search feeling much better than when I went in.  I realize now that all is not lost and there is hope and best of all, it will grow back.

Until it does, I guess I’m just going to have one heck of a comb-over.

But looking on the bright side – at least my comb-over’s not grey!

Anyone else had this happen?  Anyone?  Please?

My due date was officially Monday, February 8th, 2010.  I was excited that it was drawing near, but knowing that only about 15% of women actually deliver on their due date, I wasn’t sure what to expect.  In fact, I’ve heard that for first-time moms, labor can come as long as two weeks after the expected due date.  So that’s why I was almost glad that my doctor suggested that we induce a few days early since he was worried that I had a mild case of pre-eclampsia.  Well, that and the fact that I was officially HUGE and ready to not be pregnant any more.

(This picture, while not the most flattering, was taken the day before delivery and shows just how big I had gotten.)

Thinking that the doctor knows best, we headed to the hospital on Friday afternoon, the 5th, ready to get the show on the road.  Now let me stop here to say that there was a big concern at the back of our minds during this whole process – our area had been placed under a severe winter storm warning and the forecast called for 24 inches of snow over the weekend.  We were so concerned about the weather that we had my mother, who was to fly in Saturday morning, come Thursday night just in case (it was a good thing too, as all weekend flights ended up being cancelled).

The snow was already coming down but we had made our way to the hospital — my mom, my sister, my husband and I.  The problem was that there was no labor room available for us.  So we were put in triage room and and tests were run that determined that I didn’t have pre-eclampsia after all.  That was the good news.  The bad news was that if I wanted to be induced, I was at the bottom of the list and would have to wait quite a while.

It was a dilemma, I tell you.  One part of me wanted to stay and get things going and an even greater part of me was terrified of going home and getting snowed in during labor.  But on the other hand, sitting around the hospital for hours with the hopes that maybe they’d be able to get to me didn’t sound appealing either.  So, even though I was already 3 cm dilated and 75% effaced, we decided to head back home.

It’s a good thing we left when we did because the roads were already getting bad and by Saturday morning, they were impassible.  (The picture below is our car in the driveway.  With snow like that, we weren’t going anywhere.)

With all this snow, we needed a backup plan.  My mother called the police department and asked what the procedure would be if I were to go into labor during the storm.  They assured her that the fire truck and ambulance would be able to get to me and take me to the hospital without any problems.  (Now that would have been a story!)

But, on Saturday night, a miracle happened.  A snow plow came through.

I say it was a miracle because we live at the end of a cul-de-sac and whenever it snows we are the last ones to have our roads plowed.  But there it was – we could see asphalt and everything!  (The picture below shows the clear sky and the plowed road that greeted us Sunday morning.)

That is why at 4:45 on Monday morning when I felt my first contraction, I didn’t panic (not too much at least) and I turned to my husband and said “this is it.”  It wasn’t too painful at first, more like having menstrual cramps.  I had also begun bleeding, which had never happened before and when I called the doctor, she told me to head on in to the hospital.

I was pretty calm as I woke everyone up, took a shower, and grabbed my stuff.  Unfortunately, by the time we left the house two hours later, I wasn’t feeling so calm.  In fact, I had begun to worry that the baby was going to come at any moment.  The contractions seemed to have increased and were getting more painful and coming more frequently.  Plus, I was still nervous about the condition of the roads.

Thankfully, our trip only took fifteen minutes and when we arrived at the hospital we were taken to a room right away.  It was a nice large room too, as far as labor rooms go.  (It could have used an update in the decor department, but at that point, I wasn’t really picky.)

It had the necessary equipment and a place for the baby which is what really mattered.

I got settled in and was checked by a nurse who proclaimed that she “thought” I was eight centimeters dilated.  Eight centimeters – are you serious?  I them told them in no uncertain terms I would be requiring an epideral immediately if not sooner.

By 9:00 my epidural was in (very painless I’m happy to say), by 9:15 the doctor had come by and told me that I was actually only four centimeters dilated, and by 9:30, I was relaxing in bed and getting ready for a long day.

Once I had the medicine in me, I was able to enjoy everything.  We relaxed for a while and basically just waited.  The time seemed to go fairly quickly – my mom, my sister and my husband were all in attendance and we spent the time playing cards, reading books, and listening to music.

In fact, the whole experience was turning out to be quite pleasant as far as labor goes.  I believe that this was because I decided to go the medicated route.  I know not everyone agrees with using an epidural, but it worked for me.  I had thought about going natural, I really did.  But I found that every time I thought about the upcoming birth experience, I was terrified.  It wasn’t until I accepted that I was a wimp and I made the decision to go with an epidural that I stopped worrying about it.  And it is a decision that I don’t regret.

Now I will say that because I was so relaxed, my contractions started slowing down even after they broke my water.  So they started a Pitocin drip in order to speed things up and then we just hung out while waiting for the Pitocin to work its magic.  The time went surprisingly quickly and suddenly it was 1:00 and I was 10 centimeters and it was time to push.

Hallelujah!

Of course, I should have known that the pushing wouldn’t be that easy or that quick.  While it didn’t hurt, it was definitely hard work.  I remember hearing everyone count and cheer me on as I pushed until I felt like I would pass out.  In fact, they had me on oxygen in between sets because I was getting so winded.

After a half hour of active pushing, they decided to let the baby descend some more on his own and we would try again in a while.  Awhile turned out to be an hour and a half.  Then at 3:00 the doctor and his team came back into the room and asked, “are you ready to have this baby?”

Was I ready?  That was a good question.  I was a bit scared of actually having the baby come out for so many reasons.  I didn’t know what to expect as far as the pain went.  My epidural had been turned off so that I could feel when to push and I was concerned about not being able to handle it.  At the same time, I was ready to be done and to move onto the next stage of this adventure.  So I answered, “yes, I’m definitely ready.”

The rest of the team, which included some people from NICU, had also come into the room.  Because I had meconium in my amniotic fluid (in other words, the baby had pooped while still inside) and they were concerned about it getting into his lungs.  While not an uncommon occurrence, I was told that I wouldn’t be able to hold the baby until they made sure he was okay first.  I was fine with that – whatever they needed to do to make sure he was healthy.

I started pushing again.  The CPA was by my head holding my leg and encouraging me on.  The nurse had my other leg and was telling me what to do.  My mother was videotaping the whole thing (yes, you read that correctly) and my sister was taking pictures.  Another side note here – I’m so glad that I now have video and pictures of the event because at the time, I really didn’t know what was going on and wouldn’t have wanted to see it if I could.  But it was absolutely amazing to go back and watch the whole birth process.

Where was I?  Oh yes, pushing.  I pushed for a while until the doctor told me that the baby was having a hard time coming out because he was anterior-facing (looking up) when he should have been posterior, and because he was a big boy (we had no idea just how big at the time).  So they brought out the vacuum.  I didn’t know what they were doing, I could only hear the suction noise that the vacuum made.

A minute later I knew the end was near because everyone started yelling “here he comes” and next thing I knew, this wriggling little baby was being held up in front of me.  It happened so quickly that it didn’t seem real at first.

But it most definitely was real.  It’s hard to describe how I felt at that moment.  I remember being surprised by my reaction and by how emotional it was.  To see this person who had been inside of my body for over nine months, to hear him crying and see him moving, was something I will never forget.  The CPA and I couldn’t do anything but cry.  Actually, my mom and my sister cried too.  It was hard not to when we’d just witnessed a miracle.

I watched as our little guy was taken over to the incubator and was cleaned off,

tested,

and weighed (yep – a whopping 10 pounds, 1 oz).

Then he was ready to meet his momma.

The CPA brought him over to me so I could hold him for the first time.

It was finally sinking in that the hard part was over.

It was in that moment that I realized that the nine plus months of being pregnant with all of its aches and pains, the 11 hours of labor, and the upcoming weeks of recovery were all worth it.

And now that he was here, I was content.  But I still had to get cleaned up before we could move out of the labor room.  Because the baby was so big, I had received an episiotomy and the doctor was training his resident so the stitching process took about an hour.

But after that, I was able to get up and walk to the bathroom, albeit somewhat slowly.  And five minutes later, we were settled into maternity ward room 301 where we would spend the next three days.  More on that later…

So there you have it, my birthing story.  I’m sure I left out some details somewhere, but the bottom line is that it was a remarkable experience, one that I wouldn’t trade for anything.  It gave us our beautiful son, Henry, and it really wasn’t even that painful, which was an added bonus.

Now I just have one question: when can I do it again?

Just kidding (sort-of).

He arrived Monday, February 8th (which was my actual due date) at 3:41 pm.

Weighing in at 10.1 lbs. and measuring 22 inches, he is perfect in every way possible.

The CPA got to hold him first.

Then it was my turn.

It was love at first sight.

And with a sweet face like this…

can you blame me?

Oh wait, wrong song.

I got confused for a moment because that is how I’ve felt this past week as I’ve packed my bags for the hospital.  It feels kind of like I’m getting ready for a trip, although it will be a trip unlike one I’ve ever known.  I’ve tried to get ready as best as I can – I’ve read half a dozen articles on what to bring to the hospital so I consider myself fairly well prepared.  I’ve been putting the bag together slowly and last night I ran through the final checklist:

Lets see, there’s one cute bag that can double as a diaper bag after the baby is born.  Check.

The fact that it is filled to the brim is just a bonus.

Toiletries which include makeup, vitamins, toothbrush and paste, moisturizer, q-tips, and lots and lots of chapstick (I hear the old lips get very chapped during labor)?  Check. Check.

Don’t worry – I didn’t forget the most important moisturizer – the nursing cream.  I will be hating life if I don’t have a tube on hand, or so I’ve been told.

I made sure to pack a gown which can be used for nursing (who cares if it looks like something worn on Little House and the Prairie?), a robe to keep me warm as I trudge up and down the halls during early labor, socks to keep my toes toasty, and slippers to keep my feet from touching the bare hospital floor.  And did I mention the grannie underwear?  I bought three sizes too big just in case.

Oh – can’t forget the shower shoes.

I’ve been told to pack some “normal” clothes for when I go home.  Of course normal these days is not what it was a few months ago, so I packed my daily staple of drawstring sweat pants and a baggie shirt (at least I hope it’s baggie after giving birth).

I also read somewhere that it’s a good idea to have reading material so I packed Baby 411 so that I can hurry and cram in as much baby info as I possibly can.

I have four copies of my birth plan to hand out to the various attendees so that they know my do’s and dont’s.

And I have a fiction book for any down time I may have, as well as a one pound bag of Twizzlers simply because I’ve been craving them and fully plan on chowing down after the baby is born.

Then there are the ice pops to put in the freezer so that I have something to eat during labor other than plain ice chips.

Let’s see, am I forgetting anything?

Ah yes… the most important part.  Clothes for our little boy.  I mean he can’t come home wearing a hospital blanket, now can he?

I packed a couple of outfits since I have absolutely no idea how big he’ll actually be.

I was sure to include hats to keep his head warm, mittens to keep him from scratching himself, and socks to cover up his tiny little toes.

I think I’m just about set.  My other bag will be full of camera equipment, video recording devices, and battery chargers.

Oh – I almost forgot, a gift bag for the nurses.

I read somewhere that you’ll want to bring something for the nursing and doctor staff since they’ll be the ones who will be taking care of you during this time.  I’m not sure what this should include, so I just put together  a bag of goodies for the nurses to munch on.  I hear that chocolate can go a long way and I figure I’ll take all the help I can get.

That’s pretty much it.  The bags are packed and ready to go.  I even have my checklist sitting on top so that we can be sure we haven’t forgotten anything.  It’s kind-of a lot of stuff but considering this is new to me, I want to be as prepared as possible.

Is there anything I left out?  What did you pack in your bag?

That’s really good to know considering I’m tired.  Tired of getting up four times a night while I experience contractions and think “this is it!” (only to have the pains go away as soon as I get up) or four times to simply go to the bathroom and empty my always-full bladder.

I’m tired of my back constantly hurting, which forces me to hobble around in order to compensate for the extra weight pressing on my pelvis.

And I’m definitely tired of having no motivation whatsoever to do the things that I normally love to do such as read blogs (or write on mine, for that matter).  No motivation to do anything but lie in bed and be as still as possible to keep my body from aching.

I’m physically exhausted, mentally anxious, and emotionally a mess, both willing and able to cry at the slightest provocation.

But as tired as I am,  I wouldn’t give it up for anything.  I know how fortunate I am to be here, just as I know how many women struggle to get to this point.  I also know that this part will soon pass and I will be given a new role as a mother.  I will soon be able to hold a little one in my arms and know that he is part of me and his father.  Knowing this, I would willingly do it again in a heartbeat.

Of course that doesn’t keep me from counting the hours until he’s here because I’m just so tired.  Well, that and the fact that I simply can’t wait to meet him.

But I think I realized pretty early on that that wasn’t going to happen.  Still, knowing what was going to happen and seeing it unfold before my very eyes is a very different matter.

The worst part is not the lumbering around and feeling like a foreigner in my own body, it’s not even how I hardly recognize myself when I look in the mirror. (These were taken this weekend at 32 weeks)

No, the worst part is when people say, “When are you due?  In eight weeks, really?  I thought you were farther along than that.”

I know they mean well and I try not to let what they say hurt my feelings.  Instead I make a joke about how I’ve just got a big guy in here and that it’s my husband’s fault , what with his size 15 feet and all.

And in all fairness, at my ultrasounds we were told that our son is measuring big for our due date and to expect him at least a week early, if not more.

All that said, it’s still hard to see myself in my new body.  Well, it’s me carrying another body really.

Hmmm…  when I look at it like that, maybe it’s not so bad after all.

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It’s been several years since I’ve gone to one due to moving around and not knowing a lot of people in the area, so I really had no expectations whatsoever.  More than anything, I was just grateful that my sister Tracy and my friend Paige had offered to host one.  All I had to do was give them a list of friends names and my job was done.  

It was held a couple of weeks ago at Paige’s house which was perfect for such an event.

(My talented sister made the welcome sign and these adorable favors.)  

A recent remodel to Paige’s home has given her a beautiful (and huge, I might add) kitchen which is ideal for entertaining.

We spent most of our time in there and in the family room just off of the kitchen.

I think my favorite part of the room was the table decorated with pictures of the CPA and me when we were children.  (more on that in another post)

Guests began arriving around 7:30 and we all mingled, ate, and basically just hung out.  It was awesome!  

As a side note, there were four other pregnant women there for a grand total of five pregnant ladies in one room.  What are the chances?  

A special note of thanks goes to my mom (pictured here, on the left, with her sister, my aunt) for making the trip up from Georgia for the weekend.  And thanks for taking the pictures too – I didn’t actually take more than a couple so I appreciate her handiwork.  

And here I am in all my glory standing alongside the lovely Paige (I’m the large pregnant one).  

I didn’t want a lot of pictures taken of me considering I’ve grown up and out considerably, but I did find this one side shot.  Definitely not the most flattering of pics, but at least you can tell that yes, I do have a baby in there.

After visiting for a while, it was time to get down to business – the business of opening gifts.

Tracy was the official present presenter who incidentally did a great job of keeping track of who gave what (I’m still working on those thank you notes ladies, they’ll be in the mail soon).   

I remember this part from my bridal shower and it was just as much fun, if not more so.  I think it’s because there’s something special about cute little baby things that just warms the heart.

There were adorable little onesies like this blue and white number that my stepmother made which read “I Am A Child of God.”  Sweet, no?

Then there was this beautiful baby book which can be used to hold all sorts of pictures and mementos.  

And the outfits – oh my the outfits!  It’s hard to believe that in a few short months our little guy will be big enough to fit into these, but they tell me that it’ll happen.  

There were also keepsake gifts like this little box from my aunt which was made of pewter and reads, “First Curl.”  I tell ya – I can hardly stand the cuteness!

Finally, around 9:00, all the gifts had been opened and the cake had been eaten and it was time to take our leave.  My mom and my sister loaded up the car while I said my goodbyes.  

The shower was officially a success and I can’t thank Tracy and Paige enough for taking care of everything.  They did a fantastic job and it was absolutely perfect.  I also want to thank all my sweet friends who attended and who generously gave gifts for our little guy.  They were all adorable and thoughtful and I can hardly wait to use them!

Did you have a baby shower?  How many showers have you attended this year?  

It was about 1:30 am and I was cramping, something I hadn’t experienced since May 2009.  To give myself a little credit, I did wait about an hour before waking my husband and about another 10 minutes before calling the doctor.  I told her how I was feeling, how the pain was in my lower right side (apparently where the uterus is) and how it got worse whenever I touched my stomach.  That’s when she told me to go to the hospital. 

So at 2:30 am, the CPA and I showed up at Labor and Delivery with our computer, books, and water in hand, ready for a long night.  We were definitely not disappointed about the long night.  We were told that all 12 rooms were filled with delivering women so we had to wait in some chairs out in the hall.  The cramps weren’t terribly painful – more than anything I was just worried as to what they meant.  At 28 weeks, I knew that our baby would be in for a fight if he were to come early and that’s the last thing we wanted.  So I willingly stuck it out on that uncomfortable waiting room chair for the next four hours while we waited to be seen.   I kept reminding myself that it could always be worse – I could be the woman sitting beside me who, at 39 weeks, was in full-on active labor and was obviously suffering a bit.

Finally, at 6:30 in the morning, they brought us back to another department called the PACU.   While this wasn’t one of the individual rooms of L&D, at least I was being seen.  I was hooked up to a couple of monitors – one for me, and one for baby.  A few minutes later, the resident doctor came by to take a look.  She said my cervix was closed, which was important.  And the baby’s heart rate was holding steady around 135 so he was doing well too.  I was having mild contractions, so they wanted to do a test called fetal fibronectin.  If it was positive, then there was a risk that I could go into pre-term labor during the next two weeks and they would start giving me steroid shots to help the baby’s lungs develop faster.  If it was negative, I could go home and resume my life, aka my planning preparations.

An hour later we had our answer – it was negative.  Hallelujah!  Then we got to see the our little guy on an ultrasound and there he was moving around just happy as ever.  All of this hooplah hadn’t phased him in the least.

The CPA and I were discharged by 9:30 and since we were very tired, we headed home.  I was so relieved that I wasn’t going into pre-term labor, that I had a hard time sleeping right away.   Labor at 28 weeks! The thought was unimaginable on so many levels.  What would have happened to the baby – would he have been all right?  Would I have been able to handle it?  What about the nursery which we haven’t even started and what about our baby shower in just a few days?  So many thoughts were running around my head and all with the same underlying theme:  I am just not ready.

But then the question is:  will I ever be?  There’s only so much planning and preparing that I can realistically do – this baby is going to come when he’s ready, whether I am or not.  

Still, a little more planning can’t hurt.

• Crib/Mattress- $300
• Changing Table – $190
• Storage – $175
• Bedding – $75
• Curtains – $65
• Paint – $40
• Miscellaneous – $200
• Lamps – $75
• Rug – $100
• Ceiling Fan – $100
• TOTAL:  $1244

The price of  baby necessities:

• Car Seat – $135
• Stroller – $70
• Playard/Bassinet – $190
• Changing pad/Cover – $57
• Baby Monitor – $80
• Sheets/Mattress Pads – $100
• Toiletries/Medicines – $50
• Sleepers – $70
• Swaddling Blankets – $70
• Baby clothes – $150
• Diapers/wipes (month supply) – $70
• Miscellaneous – $150
• TOTAL:  $1192

The price of non-necessities (but just really cute stuff):

• Diaper Bag – $100
• Nursing Cover – $30
• Toys – $150
• Books – $75
• Miscellaneous – $150
• TOTAL:  $505

The opportunity to buy all of this in order to take care of one sweet, little baby:  PRICELESS

So today I want to talk about things that you don’t expect.  Things that they don’t tell you about before you get pregnant.  Things like the following:

• Your vagina will hurt.  (Yes, I did just use the word “vagina.”)  For me, this started around the 25 week mark.  I first noticed it when I’d get up from my desk at work and would have to stop from the sudden pain shooting through my private area.  I asked my doctor if my hoo-ha-ha was broken and he said, nope, it’s just your pelvic muscles stretching to get ready for the birth.  Nice.

• You will feel claustrophobic.  Now this one may just be my own particular ailment, but there are times where I feel claustrophobic, like I can’t get enough air.  It usually happens at night when I’m lying down.  I remember one night around 25 weeks when I couldn’t sleep and I started having a panic attack because I was sure that that I couldn’t breathe.  It wasn’t a good feeling.  I soon learned, however, that if I propped myself up with pillows, I felt much better.  At this rate though, by my 40th week I’ll have to sleep standing up.  

• You will need to wear a bra to bed.  I’m of the philosophy that the slumber hours are great for a number of reasons and at the top of the list is the fact that women can take off their bras and get a little relief from the restraints they’ve been in all day.  This all changed, however,  around 22 weeks, when I started waking myself up every time I rolled over and my breasts inadvertently shifted from one side to the other.  Ouch!  Sleeping bra, here I come.  

• You will always want to have a spare pair of underwear handy.  Plan on laughing any time during the day?  Then you may want to have a spare pair of undies in your purse for the occasional, uh, accident.  Got a cold?  A spare pair is not even an option at that point – it’s a necessity.

• Your posture will improve.  A benefit of being pregnant that is often not mentioned, is that you will usually have ramrod straight posture.  This isn’t due to a sudden desire to be the Emily Post poster child, but rather the desire to avoid the feeling that your insides have been squished against your ribcage.  Somehow sitting up straight, especially while driving, really helps alleviate that feeling.

I think that’s about it.  Of course I’m still early into my third trimester, so I may be in for some more surprises, but I’ll let you know.  I just want to get the word out for those unsuspecting mothers-to-be who may not realize that these things are not only normal, but they are to be expected.  

I sure wish someone had told me!

What things surprised you about being pregnant? 

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