But I think I realized pretty early on that that wasn’t going to happen.  Still, knowing what was going to happen and seeing it unfold before my very eyes is a very different matter.

The worst part is not the lumbering around and feeling like a foreigner in my own body, it’s not even how I hardly recognize myself when I look in the mirror. (These were taken this weekend at 32 weeks)

No, the worst part is when people say, “When are you due?  In eight weeks, really?  I thought you were farther along than that.”

I know they mean well and I try not to let what they say hurt my feelings.  Instead I make a joke about how I’ve just got a big guy in here and that it’s my husband’s fault , what with his size 15 feet and all.

And in all fairness, at my ultrasounds we were told that our son is measuring big for our due date and to expect him at least a week early, if not more.

All that said, it’s still hard to see myself in my new body.  Well, it’s me carrying another body really.

Hmmm…  when I look at it like that, maybe it’s not so bad after all.

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But how could that be?  I have a list of things to do that is literally a mile long and includes everything from paint the nursery to clean the bathroom, yet there I was, bored.  And restless.

It finally occurred to me what my problem is.  I feel that I’m in a state of “limbo.”  I’m in the process of preparing for something that is bigger than anything I’ve ever known, something that will change our lives in ways that I can’t yet imagine.  Yet while I prepare, nothing seems to be happening.  The world is continuing to revolve on its axis just like every other day and I continue to get up and get dressed and go to work just like everyone else.  But with something so earth-shattering merely weeks away, shouldn’t things be different? 

It’s almost like I don’t quite know what to do with myself.  It’s as if I don’t want to spend my energy doing the mundane, daily tasks that I’ve done for so many years when my life will drastically change in a matter of weeks.  But it is still weeks away and even though it feels like time has stopped, I know that the moment will arrive and I’ll wonder were it all went. 

So until then, I will just have to be patient and keep plugging along.  Besides, that nursery isn’t going to paint itself!

Is it just me or does everyone get like this?

It started when I was about 15 weeks – this feeling in my stomach.  I wasn’t sure what it was at first.  It didn’t hurt, in fact, it tickled.  It felt like little flutterings, like a butterfly flapping its wings.  It would come and go at various times of the day and each time, it would make me smile.  

A few weeks went by and the flutterings turned into little taps.  A tap here and a tap there.  Always random and unpredictable, these little taps often startled me as they caught me by surprise.  But again, there was no pain involved, only a sense of the surreal.

In the past week, those taps have turned into thumps.  Sometimes I feel a little bang against my insides or a swat against my belly.  And sometimes, if I’m really lucky, I feel like my stomach has completely rolled over. 

I realize it’s not my stomach though, it’s my baby.  Our little guy is in there moving and stretching and doing the things that in utero babies do.  I like to think it’s his way of letting me know that he’s okay and he’s just busy checking out his surroundings. 

I realized recently that I feel him mostly when I’m sitting down, often in the morning and the evenings as I’m parked in front of my computer doing my blogging thing.  He seems to enjoy this quiet time and  I already look forward to these moments that we share, just the two of us. 

But soon enough, the thumps will give way to kicks and punches and it won’t be just the two of us anymore.  Before long, my husband will be able to enjoy feeling these movements too.  Just last night I lay in bed feeling soft movements against my hand and I knew it won’t be long now. 

I can hardly wait.  

Do you remember when you first felt your baby move?  What did it feel like?

Since I’ve reached the halfway point in my pregnancy, the CPA and I have been trying to learn more about the whole birthing process.  As far as labor classes go, the one titled  How to Give Birth: 101 is the one that I would sign up for in a heartbeat.  Such a class would teach you all of the basics from how to deal with labor pain to how to give the baby its first bath.  Unfortunately, I’m learning that no such class is offered.  

I learned this when I tried to sign up for a birthing class through the center that we’ll be using and  I was disappointed to discover that between now and my due date, they only offer two full-length classes.  And they’re both full.  They do offer some all-day Saturday classes that cover part of the material, mainly “nutritional needs; relaxation techniques, cesarean deliveries, medication during labor, signs of labor, and postpartum physicial and emotional changes.”

Sounds nice, but I couldn’t help but think that there must be more out there.  So I looked at the other hospitals in the area (Georgetown and George Washington) and I found a list of various possibilities.  One of them is titled “Childbirth 1-2-3 Medicated Birth“ and is described as “a six-hour childbirth class that is designed for women intending to have an epidural and vaginal delivery. The class will discuss breathing, massage, and relaxation techniques for a medicated birth to increase the possibility of vaginal delivery.”

They also offer a three-hour class called “Comfort Measures and Relaxation Techniques“ where you learn all about relaxing during the birth process.  In other words, it teaches you techniques for dealing with the pain. 

Then I looked outside of the area’s hospital programs and I found a “Hypno-Birthing“ class through an independent group.  Hypno-birthing is “an alternative method to Lamaze and Bradley classes that help parents prepare for a gentle birth.  The goal of these classes is to help mothers by using deep relaxation, visualization, and self-hypnosis.”

The more I researched, the more options I found and therefore, the more confused I became.   Part of the problem is that I haven’t decided exactly how I want to deliver this baby.  But I do want to be as prepared as possible and I figure that no matter which way I go, relaxation techniques are bound to come in handy.

So the question is: which class or classes do we take? 

Are these classes a good investment (they’re not cheap) and if so, which would you recommend? 

This same little girl who grew up to become this woman and later…

the wife of this man.

And now, in a few short months, she will also become a mother for the first time.

I am so excited I can hardly stand it!  Congrats sis, on making it through the first trimester!  From what I can tell – it only gets better here on out!  Here’s to both of us having great pregnancies and little ones who can grow up to be as good of friends as we are!

Stop by Tracy’s blog to tell her congrats, I’m sure she’d love to hear from you!

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Little Sis

Sister’s Shower

The good news is that I feel like I’ve finally popped.  That’s how I’ve heard it described from others – it’s the time when you finally start looking like you’re pregnant (instead of looking like you’ve just eaten too many cookies.)

Let’s do a recap, shall we?  Here is the baby bump at 15 weeks, 3 days:

And here it is today at 20 weeks.

Is it just me, or is it looking a little droopy?  I have no idea what’s normal so I’m not sure what to compare it to.  I do know that during the ultrasound, they concentrated on the top part of my stomach so I think he must be sitting up pretty high.

The coolest part is that my stomach feels hard now.  I lie in bed at night and rub my tummy and I can tell that a baby’s in there.  No longer does it just feel flabby, but it now feels like I imagined it should.

And I actually had someone come up to me this past week and ask me when I am due.

I think that makes it official.

How far along were you when you “popped”?

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The Big Reveal

We arrived at 8:00 but we didn’t have to wait long as we had the first appointment of the day.

We all had a good view of the screen and sat in awe as we watched the baby moving around and flailing its little arms and legs.  It was so amazing. 

The technician showed us various parts of the baby – its bones and its spine were very visible.

And here’s its little fist.  I’m pleased to announce that it has all of its fingers and toes.  

 Then we got to hear the heartbeat, which is my favorite part.  Modern technology is truly astounding.  

After about a half hour of watching our little one, the doctor came in to go over the results.  She said that the baby’s size looks good and that it’s measuring as either a big baby (which wouldn’t surprise me) or else it will come a week and a half earlier than our February 8th due date.  

She also said that it does not have Spina Bifida (big relief) and the chance of Down Syndrome is only one in 5200.  The doctor went on to say that everything looked symmetrical, which is what they’re trying to evaluate, and that the baby looks perfectly healthy.  

I can’t tell you how happy that makes us.  

Then she surprised us with a little treat.  She switched the monitor and the next thing we saw, was a 4D image of our baby.  

The image is a little grainy due to the scanner I used but the video shows it a bit more clearly.  Try to ignore the ooh’s and ahh’s of the audience – we were a little excited.  (Big thanks to my mom who thought to record the experience with her camera.)

Then we were finished.  The doctor, who was fantastic by the way, answered some more of our questions before sending us on our way.  It was such an overwhelming experience and one that we feel very blessed to have had and shared.  And the best part is to know that our baby is healthy and growing strong. 

Oh, did I mention that we’re having A BOY?  :)

The funny thing about this first picture, taken back in June when we first found out and I was at 4 1/2 weeks, is that I remember thinking how fat I was.  I had recently put on about 10 pounds from not exercising and not eating as well as I should.

I’m beginning to think that picture wasn’t so bad, because this is me now, at 15 weeks, 3 days.

It’s amazing what three months of morning sickness, weird cravings (mmm… mashed potatoes and pickles), and a baby growing inside will do to a body!

How did you feel about the way you looked when you were pregnant?  When did you start showing?

Part of enjoying it, I guess, is coming to terms with the fact that in roughly six months, I’ll actually be giving birth.  As in pushing a little person out of me.  I won’t lie to you – that scares me.  A lot.  I think I’m in the denial stage right now.   I’ll turn shows like TLC ’s “A Baby Story” just to see the birth scene.  But then I’ll start to feel queasy and sweat will break out on my forehead and I’ll have to turn the channel.

I realize that I can’t hide forever of course.  So I’ve decided to face my fear and start making a plan, a birthing plan to be exact.  I went to the store last night and bought a book titled “Your Birth Plan” (appropriately named, don’t you think?).  I’m hoping it will help point me in the right direction and so I can figure out what I need to do to get ready.

Part of getting ready is finding the right doctor, one who will be a good fit for me.  So far, I have been visiting with an OB-GYN that was referred to me by a friend.  He’s a great doctor; he’s been delivering babies for about 30 years and he definitely knows his stuff.  The problem is, at least for me, is that he’s really laid back.  And I am, well, not so much.  I have tons of questions and concerns and he usually pats me on the knee and says don’t worry, it’s fine, you’re normal.  While it’s reassuring that he’s not worried about the things that normally scare me to death, I wonder if I wouldn’t be better off with a doctor who will lay it all out for me.

Then there’s the language issue.  He’s French, which in and of itself is very cool.  But his English is heavily accented and it is not easy to understand everything he says.  When you’re trying to get info about what’s going on with your body and your baby, the last thing you want is a communication gap.

That being said, he has a fantastic bedside manner and is very gentle.  He also calls me at night to check on me and to answer questions, which, from what I gather, is pretty rare.  So now I’m torn – do I try to find a doctor who I can understand a little better and one who “gets” me?  Or do I stay with him, the doctor who may be difficult to communicate with but who has years of experience and who will take the time to call me at home?

I think that once I figure out the doctor issue, I’ll be able to move on to the big stuff, like how to actually give birth.  Until then, this denial thing isn’t too bad.

In it, I had used a pregnancy test, one that we had picked up from the drug store, and I had tested positive.  That was it, that was all there was to the dream.  But it was so real that I woke up Monday morning thinking that maybe it could be true and maybe I should test just to be sure.  After a few minutes, however, I convinced myself that there was no way I could be pregnant and I went about my day.

Tuesday morning came and I remembered the dream again.  This time, however, on a whim, I decided that I would try a pregnancy test.  I mean what could it hurt, right?  I had tried so many of them in recent months that I was used to the process, so what was one more?  I did it after the CPA had gone to work because I didn’t want to tell him about the dream and have him think I was being silly.  There was no way we could be pregnant, so it really didn’t even make sense.

I pulled out the test, did my part, and put the stick on the counter.  I even covered it up with a piece of paper because I was determined not to look before the three minutes were up.  Besides, why get my hopes up?  In my mind I just knew that we weren’t pregnant because I had had my period during our trip, even though it was surprisingly short since it only lasted a day.  Not only that, but we had not really “tried” that month as we had finally decided to just let things happen on their own.

With all of this on my mind, I pulled off the piece of paper and threw it in the trash can.  I picked up the stick fully expecting to throw it away next.  That is until I saw this:

Did those two little lines mean what I think they meant?  My mouth hung open and I just stared at the stick in my hand, not believing what I was seeing.  Surely this couldn’t be right, I mean I had had my period only a few days before!  And we weren’t even trying this month, how could this be?

Thinking that surely it was a fluke, I pulled out another test.

Hmm… two tests showing positive?  Maybe there was something to this then.  Or maybe it was just a bad batch?  So I pulled out my last test.  This was the mother of all testing sticks, the expensive one that I had been holding on to for just such an occasion.  The one that would leave no question as to whether I was actually pregnant.

Well, it was kind-of hard to argue with the little “yes” clearly showing in the window.

A few days later at my annual physical, my doctor did a blood test and confirmed that yes, we are pregnant!

That was over seven weeks ago which means that as of today, I am officially entering my second trimester.  The last couple of months have been full of lots of changes (mostly to my waistline) and lots and lots of morning sickness (midday & evening too).

But it will all be worth it.  We are so happy and we are excited beyond belief because we finally have a little one on the way!